Baby Got Book

Remember Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby got Back"? Of course you do, you saw Shrek and Friends. Well creative Cheryl Klein has rewritten the lyrics and given us "Baby Got Book". Hilarious!

HT: Eos Books Blog

Book Review: Growingold with B.C. by Johnny Hart

* Genre: Humor, Comics
* ISBN: 1933160683
* ISBN-13: 9781933160689
* Format: Paperback, 195pp
* Publisher: Checker Book Publishing Group, LLC
* Pub. Date: November 2007

FYI: Unbeknownst to many, Johnny Hart was an unapologetic Christian, as this article in a 1997 issue of "Christianity Today" clearly shows.

While I didn’t grow old with B.C., I was able to appreciate Growingold with B.C., the very last compilation of the famous comic by Johnny Hart before his death in April 2007. A retrospective of the comic over the fifty years of its publication, Growingold with B.C. is a short overview of the comic during its award winning run.

The first part of the book looks directly at the characters and the people or situations that inspired Hart to create them. Some of the characters (including Wiley and B.C. himself) were caricatures of real people and real friends of Hart. Others, such as Fat Broad, allowed Hart to replicate humorous situations he encountered in real life. B. C. was always a comic that looked at the real world and found the humor within. As some of the fifty years of personal pictures of Hart that are included with the book show, this was the way that Hart saw life, and he seemed to be one of those people who never passed up an opportunity to make people laugh.

The second part of the book looks at B.C. retrospectively beginning with a few of the early comics, and moving decade by decade up until Hart’s final few strips in the new millennium. Along the way, the awards Hart gained for B.C. are highlighted and the editors (some of whom were his family, who helped finish the book after he passed away during its development) picked out some of the funniest and some of the most poignant of his strips from a fifty year span. As you read through the strips, you can tell that the compilation of these was a labor of love.

Although at times Hart’s humor was either above my head or simply made no sense, for the most part B.C. was a strip of wit and satire. I always particularly enjoyed some of Hart’s subtle wordplay (a lot of which he attributes to his wife’s help) as culminated in the strips containing Wiley’s Dictionary. Hart would take a mundane word, and give it a definition that makes sense, but was clearly nothing like we expected it to be. Such wordplay, when I read this strip everyday in my local paper, engendered in me a love of words, and the subtleties and funny inconsistencies that are rampant within them. What Lynne Truss has done in recent years with her book on grammar Eats, Shoots, and Leaves Hart has been doing for fifty years.

And of course, there are the other strips. Some were poking fun at current culture, some at relationships, and some just oddly humorous for no apparent reason. Hart had a gift for seeing the absurd in life and weaving it into his strips. He wasn’t always funny, and Growingold with B.C. is enough of a cross section that at times readers will read strips that seem to fall flat funnywise, but for the most part Hart was a master of wit. And what took many words for others to make funny, Hart could do with a few sparse pictures and a couple well placed words. This is a collection for any B.C. fan, teachers of English will find it useful, and people who enjoy wit will find this a great introduction to Johnny Hart’s work. Growingold with B.C. isn’t overfull of strips and has just the right amount of material to allow the reader to enjoy them without tiring of them.

E-Zine Review: Flash Fiction Online

Flash Fiction Online is a brand new e-zine, edited by Jake Freivald, which publishes fiction of 1,000 or fewer words. They began publication in December of 2007. But even though they are a young e-zine (with possible print anthologies on the horizon) their commitment to meet the SFWA guidelines for being a professional market, results in Flash Fiction Online publishing work by some known authors, such has James Van Pelt, Carl Frederick, and Bruce Holland Rogers, that really doesn’t have place in other short fiction magazines due to the extremely short length of the stories.

Now, some of you reading this review are probably skeptical about the ability of any author, no matter how good a writer, to tell an entire story in under 1,000 words. I was until I read the April Issue of Flash Fiction Online. In the span of twenty minutes, my preconceived notions about story were challenged, and I was able to read five great stories. And each one took no longer to read than the average blog post.

Readable online in either HTML or PDF format, these stories are laid out clearly, in a readable format, with clever and excellent illustrations by R.W. Ware (who, by the way, is also a tattoo artist) to add to the panache of the e-zine. Additionally, each story has a short bio on the author, with a clever author photo that I think underscores the whole concept of the fiction being “flash” in nature. The entire site is very polished and professional, and even is set up with an RSS feed to allow readers ease of access to the stories.

In the April issue of Flash Fiction Online, Freivald collected five stories that were humorous in their content, playing on the fact that this month begins with April Fool’s Day.

“The Dyslexicon”, by Carl Frederick is a story written about a dyslexic robot that can’t fulfill his function due to his dyslexia. The story is populated by spoonerisms, homographs, and misspellings. In way, this story is both funny and sad, as it allows the reader to get a glimpse into the world of dyslexia sufferers. But it isn’t preachy, just funny. Sometimes the word equivalencies are hard to discern, and Fredrick might have done better to only play around with the words most obviously incorrect to readers.

“How Not To Stage a Play in the Aftermath of a Zombie Apocalypse” by Kurt Bachard wonders what life would be like after a zombie apocalypse in the world of the theatre. A “woe is me” type of story, it says an awful lot while using a true economy of words. In keeping with the economy of words, Bachard’s explanation of the directors special situation and retention of his humanity might have been better integrated into the narrative, rather than being separate paragraph. It is out of place and makes the narrative slightly choppy. Any theatergoer or amateur thespian will enjoy Bachard’s wry humor about the world of the stage.

“Call of the Wild, Line Three” by Dalton Keane was the funniest of the five. The idea of stockbrokers as a pack of wolves is apt and funny. Keane has transposed the hierarchy of the animal kingdom onto the world of business, and it results in a hilarious story. Of the five, this one was the only one that made me laugh out loud.

“Fast Living” by Hank Quense, while only a quarter of a page in length tells a story that (no insult intended) is like stories you read in the Reader’s Digest humor sections. The story may be short, but the punch line brings a smile to your face. It's a type of story called a Feghoot.

“Quiet Please” by Kevin Scott is a reprint of a classic story that qualifies as flash fiction, but that is now in the public domain. Each issue of Flash Fiction Online includes on of these classic reprint stories, many of them from authors that are obscure. “Quiet Please” was probably the most difficult of the stories to read, and I had to read it twice in order to get why the story ended the way it did. Once I did, I thought it a neat, quirky story about language barriers from the November 1961 issue of Word of If.

Flash Fiction Online is one of the few e-zines I plan to read regularly. The length of the stories makes it ideal for reading on the small screens of internet capable cell phones, iPhones, and any PDF capable eBook reader.

Additionally, Freivald is not overambitious, and doesn’t try to print every story he receives. This allows the reader to get a few good stories at the beginning of each month, but without having to sift through a lot of stories to find ones that interest them. Plus, you don’t have to wait overlong to get new stories (and a few articles) since publication is monthly. Lots of e-zines publish either bimonthly or quarterly, and it is often easy to forget check them. Flash Fiction Online has made that easy. I hope they are able to stay in business, as their unique style of fiction is a breath of fresh air, in the overburdened Internet.

With the easy to use RSS feed, I can read these short stories at the office on my coffee breaks. They only take five minutes or less to read, no matter your speed, and you can step back into your office work not feeling guilty about taking your employers time, but with the smile and feeling of refreshment that fiction lusually brings to your face.

Jake Freivald and Flash Fiction Online are providing an excellent service to all fans of short fiction, and I encourage you to take advantage of it.

Artwork © 2008, R. W. Ware

Would you Survive the Moon?

42%

This was actually a fun test, as it pits your wits against what NASA says about survival on the moon. I would likely die, based on this score, although I had the right idea on a few things. Now, if I'd been stuck in another dimension with only these things, I could have kicked some serious butt!

When Fashion and Scifi Mix

Really, I mean, really?

Book Review: The Dead Guy Interviews by Michael Stusser

*Genre: Nonfiction, Humor, Trivia
* ISBN: 0143112279
* ISBN-13: 9780143112273
* Format: Paperback, 304pp
* Publisher: Penguin Group (USA)
* Pub. Date: September 2007

Michael Stusser’s Dead Guy Interviews first appeared in the pages of the trivia magazine Mental_Floss. Drawing on the known, the rumored, and his sense of humor, Stusser writes fictitious interviews with noted personalities from history. People like George Washington, Genghis Khan, Chairman Mao, Nikola Tesla, Mae West and others all sit down for an “interview” with Stusser.

He has now collected and expanded his interviews in a collection. The Dead Guy Interviews is a hilariously presumptuous collection of interviews with 45 dead personalities. Often focusing on the flaws or the rumors, the interviews give the reader interesting trivia (sometimes little known) about these people.

Each interview begins with a short description of the life of each person, noting their achievements, and whatever else made them famous. Reading these is essential, as much of the interview builds on these facts.

As part of the interviews Stusser writes, he also includes descriptions the actions of the people as they are interviewing. Genghis Khan breaks something, or Tesla electrocutes himself. These add flavor and character to the words of the interviews.

These interviews are quite funny, although Stusser often has to resort to rumored sexual escapades or being caught in lies to create the humor. Of course, that is not unlike most journalists of today, always on the prowl for a wif of scandal. I thought that the interviews often focused too much on these rumors, rather than relating interesting facts in a creative way.

Stusser also has a liberal bias. When he writes the interviews of known conservatives or prudish figures of history he will often mock those positions. Yet when encountering promiscuous or progressive figures of history, his interviews support their "progressive" views. For instance in the interview with Darwin this exchange is made:

MS: Let’s talk about the theory of “creationism” –

CD: Bible stories.

MS: Well today they’re calling creationism, Intelligent Design. Any thoughts on that label?

CD: I guess I’d have to say that any intelligent designer that made 99.9 percent of every organism he or she designed go extinct, couldn’t be all that intelligent.

MS: You really did anger some Bible Thumpers with your theory of evolution.

CD: I can understand that. If you want to keep telling the Adam and Eve story – creationism - it’s hard to allow for evolution. We either got put on the earth by god as fully formed people, or we evolved from something a little less human.

Obviously, Stusser is using the contention provided by Darwin's theory to create humor, its just that often his humor is often at the expense of more conservative type people. Even though I am a conservative myself, I would laugh at these becasue I know that Stusser was just trying to be funny, but I still think he needed to poke fun at the liberal types a bit more too.

But Stusser does find ways to mock everyone he “interviews”. All of these famous people from history have strange habits, weird escapades, and pithy words that can be mocked. And it is funny most of the time. Where possible, Stusser draws on famous quotes from the figures to add a grain of truth to his interviews. Wilde’s interview often answers with lines from his book and letters, or Lincoln’s has a smattering of the Gettysburg Address. This adds a truth and veracity to the interviews that lets you know that Stusser did some research and the facts as he relates them can be trusted.

This is a book I recommend that all fans of trivia read. It is funny, creative, and an unusual way to get your daily dose of trivia. Teachers might find this a useful tool in the classroom; although they will need to read it carefully to censor those things they believe their students are not ready for. As I said, rumor and innuendo provide the basis for a few questions in each interview. It is also just a good (dare I say it?) bathroom book. Each interview is only 3 to 5 pages long, and makes for a more interesting read than the wife’s Southern Living.

Fans of Mental_Floss and lovers of trivia will enjoy this book. I hope Stusser does another. After you read it, look for more in the pages of Mental_Floss. Or check out these that were posted online to celebrate the release of the book:

[Video] Sigmund Freud (This one really has a lot of sex in it, but then it is Freud after all.)
[Text] Queen Isabella I
[Text] Benjamin Franklin
[Text] George Washington
[Text] Huey Long
[Text] Charles Darwin

Robin Hobb on Author Blogging

Robin Hobb, whose books we all know and love, wrote this essay/story about authors who blog.

I'm with her mostly. I do think that writers should be measured and careful should they chose to begin blogging.

Although I enjoy the blog posts of many of my favorite authors like Jim C. Hines, Bruce Cordell, Paul S. Kemp, Tobias Buckell, GRRM, Joe Abercrombie, and others, I would much rather have more books out of them than blog posts. Yet I look for there thoughts in my RSS reader everyday, and enjoy them.

If they can do both, as a fan, I'm grateful. But should they choose to agree with Hobb, than I support that. I would rather they use their energies on their writing and raising their families than in pleasing me.

Life after Death by Powerpoint

I've been working with Powerpoint a lot this week. So in order to add some levity (and relieve my frustration), I needed to watch this video.

Book Review: Grimspace by Ann Aguirre

* Genre: Science Fiction, Romance, Humor
* ISBN: 0441015999
* ISBN-13: 9780441015993
* Format: Mass Market Paperback, 320pp
* Publisher: Penguin Group (ACE)
* Pub. Date: February 2008

Grimspace by Ann Aguirre is one of those novels that you thoroughly enjoy reading. You wouldn’t tell serious fans of speculative fiction that you did, but you would spend an entire evening devouring it anyway. Billed as “romantic science fiction” by its author, Grimspace tells the tale of Sirantha Jax, a woman with the genetic ability to move ships through grimspace, a hyperspace equivalent. The story begins with Jax being held by her superiors for a crime she doesn’t remember committing, a crime that killed nearly a hundred people, many of them senior diplomats. In walks March, a rouge agent who is looking to recruit people who can move through grimspace. Casting fate to the wind, Jax escapes with him, setting her on a collision course with the Corp (her former employers), a company that holds the monopoly on grimspace transport.

Tightly woven and moving at breakneck speed from page one, Grimspace is funny and fun. Aguirre writes a novel that would translate onto the big screen as a romantic comedy. March and Jax’s relationship has echoes of the Han and Leia relationship in Star Wars. While they begin their relationship hating one another, through a series of circumstances out of their control, a romantic relationship is built. It is a classic story of two people hating each other only to find they truly love each other when their relationship is really put to the test.

The story is told entirely from Jax’s point of view, and the internal monologues that Aguirre gives her heroine are absolutely hilarious. From the beginning of the novel till things get rather serious towards the end, I found myself smiling at Jax’s reactions and comments to the events unfolding around her. Like Elizabeth Bennett’s thoughts on Mr. Darcy in Pride on Prejudice, Jax’s comments on March and the other characters have a wry wit and humor.

The pacing and the humor of the story allow the reader to gloss over a lot of its faults. For instance, Aguirre fails to explain how a society as advanced as the one she has created is unable to isolate the genetic component necessary to create people who can travel through grimspace. This inability is important to the plot, but Aguirre failed to make me believe that such a thing would not be possible. (Though perhaps this may be answered in the sequel, Wanderlust, due out in September of this year.)

Aguirre is also writing a novel that owes a debt to the bodice-rippers of the romance genre. There is one very explicit sex scene (I’m always uncomfortable with this, but it was easy enough to gloss over). Additionally, since it is a novel centered on romance, many of the interactions and actions of the characters have something to do with love and romance. One character lost her female lover, another (evil) character uses women, and of course there is the sexual tension between Jax and March.

Where the novel succeeds is in creating a fun, action filled story that I would imagine would translate well to the big screen. It has all the elements of an action movie. The heroine is broken but is also extremely strong-willed and gifted. She is no weak woman to be pushed around by a stronger man. The action is almost non-stop, and the characters move from one danger to another, with each successive danger being more and more difficult to survive. And finally, the climax is satisfying, as the evil people get their come-uppings and the heroes ultimately triumph.

Grimspace is the novel you have on your shelf when you need a little excitement, a little romance, but don’t want to work to hard to enjoy it. With the caveat that this is a romance novel in every sense of what that genre has come to mean, I recommend it as an exciting story of humor and action.

Grimspace is just pure entertainment, and anyone looking for a novel of depth or philosophy would do well to avoid it. But if you need a no-brainer novel with a funny and appealing heroine, Grimspace will give you what you are looking for.

Too fun not to share: If Saul Bass did the Star Wars Opening Title

(Via SF Signal)

From the Mouths of Babes....

Star Wars: Episode IV as reviewed by a 3-year old. She is so cute!

Book Review: Goblin Hero by Jim C. Hines

* Genre: Humorous Fantasy
* ISBN: 0756404428
* ISBN-13: 9780756404420
* Format: Mass Market Paperback, 343pp
* Publisher: Penguin Group (DAW)
* Pub. Date: May 2007

Jig Dragonslayer has a new quest in Goblin Hero. This time, an ogre has come looking for his help. This is, of course, the last thing the diminutive Jig wants. Nonetheless, spurred on by his god, Tymalous Shadowstar, Jig finds he must accept the ogre’s request. But fighting pixies is not Jig’s idea of a good time, and in this sequel to Goblin Quest Jig must once again rely on his pusillanimous goblin brain to save everyone (including hobgoblins!) from the pixie invasion into the cavern complex the goblins, hobgoblins, and ogres call home.

Jim C. Hines uses his unique brand of humor to tell this funny adventure tale. Jig is his old self, a reluctant but effective hero. Yet Hines has also branched out and given the reader some new characters to enjoy. There is Grell, the ancient goblin nursery maid; Braf, the dumbest but biggest goblin in the lair; Veka the wannabe goblin wizard; and Slash, the hobgoblin with a strange fear for a warrior. Each of these characters will pluck a chord with readers of fantasy, and once again Hines has played with the tropes of fantasy to create a humorous look at what it means to be a hero.

Jig is once again the reluctant hero that readers of Goblin Quest will remember. But the new character that makes this story fun is Veka. A reverse Jig, Veka very much wants to be a hero, although she would like to be a wizard hero as opposed to Jig’s warrior one. As the story progresses it is Veka’s character that changes the most. She grows in her understanding of heroism throughout the novel, even with several misfires along the way. Watching the interplay between Jig and Veka, and the two different ways they approach saving the lair, made this book have more depth than its “humorous fantasy” label would imply. Hines is exploring the theme of heroism in Goblin Hero and Jig and Veka’s approaches show that often “there’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s.”

Still, it is hilarious. Jig has a common sense approach to solving problems. This, when placed in juxtaposition to the idiocy of his fellow goblins, creates a lot of laughs. There is also the slapstick humor, especially when Braf hurts himself with his own weapon, or when Grell smacks the idiot goblins around with her canes. Smudge continues to play his role of sidekick to Jig, and the little fire-spider gets him out of one particularly tight situation.

Hines still suffers a little bit when it comes to describing the space around his characters. By that I mean that it is not always clear who is standing where in relation to whom, and that it is not always clear which tunnel is branching off from which and in what direction. This was especially a problem for me in the first bottomless pit scene. I was not clear on how the action was flowing, and had a difficult time picturing the events in my mind. This was because I wasn’t sure who was where and whether tunnels were above or below one another, where the bridge was in relation to the action, and so on. Of course, other readers may have no problem, or be able to fill in the blanks with ease. For me, this was a difficult scene to enjoy, because I simply didn’t understand the spatial relationships.

And some readers may not find Hines humor all that humorous. You have to like the sort of “woe is me” attitude of Jig. Since you know all will turn out well in the end (it is a heroic fantasy, after all) you can smirk and smile at Jig’s complaints. I find this kind of thing funny, but others may not. Hines humor is not the satire of Terry Pratchett, or the sardonic thoughts of Robert Asprin. But if you enjoyed Pratchett’s Going Postal or Making Money the main characters share a lot in common, and the humor plays out similarly. Of course, Goblin Hero is a funny look at the dungeon crawl, whereas Pratchett is satirizing the postal service and banking world.

I recommend that any reader who thinks this book is interesting first read Goblin Quest. It will be necessary for the reader, as the back-story is an important part of Jig and Veka’s relationship. Goblin Hero is not one of those sequels that can be read without reading the first book. Besides, after reading those, you will be set up to read Goblin War the third book in the series, set for release in March. (Read an Excerpt) I do recommend that you read Jim C. Hines work. He is funny, his characters are ones you'll easily identify with, and his story has all the elements that make a dungeon crawl fun. The Goblin Series is a fun interweaving of a Dungeon and Dragons setting, Mark Twain’s wit, and Steve Martin’s slapstick all from one gifted author, Jim C. Hines.

Which Discworld Character Are You?

Which Discworld Character are you like (with pics) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Lord Havelock Vetinari You are Lord Vetinari! Supreme ruler of Ankh-Morpork! Cool, calculated, and always in control. You graduated from the assassins guild, but failed a course on stealth and camouflage, because the professor never saw you there (even though you attended every class). You always seem to know what everyone is thinking, and after a conversation with you, people feel that they have just escaped certain death. Lord Havelock Vetinari 75% Commander Samuel Vimes 69% Esmerelda (Granny) Weatherwax 63% Death 56% Carrot Ironfounderson 44% Gytha (Nanny) Ogg 44% Greebo 38% The Librarian 38% Cohen The Barbarian 25% Rincewind 13%

Never Challenge a Goblin to a Game of Rakachak: An Interview with Jim C. Hines

Jim C. Hines, author of the incredibly witty and full-of-pizazz* Goblin trilogy (Goblin Quest, Goblin Hero, and the forthcoming Goblin War, all from DAW books), talks with me about Jig Dragonslayer, writing, and a favorite role playing session.

Grasping for the Wind: Why is humor such an important part of a story?

Jim C. Hines: Without humor, the goblin books could get awfully depressing. Goblins are the underdogs. They lose nine out of ten battles, and they live short, violent lives. If I wrote the stories without humor, it would be nothing but a band of depressed emo goblins singing the blues while they wait to die. You need humor and ... let's call it pluck. Jig is far from thrilled about his situation, but he never gives up. The goblins are always scheming and plotting and defying their role as the underdogs of fantasy. That makes them a lot more fun to write about, and hopefully to read as well.

GFTW: Jig Dragonslayer is a self-deprecating character. His own heroism comes as a surprise to him. Why do you think causes characters like Jig to resonate with readers?

Jim: We might enjoy the superheroes, the unstoppable barbarians and uber-powerful wizards, but I think we can relate more to characters like Jig. He's the Charlie Brown of fantasy. Watching this poor runt fight and somehow manage to survive is a lot more inspiring than when Rambo-with-a-Broadsword does the same thing.

GFTW: Smudge is a non-speaking character, but he has a lot of personality. Did you find it difficult to make sure he didn’t drop out of the story?

Jim: I love that fire-spider, but there were a few times when I'd finish a scene and realize I had completely forgotten about poor Smudge. He's a great character, but he's also limited in what he can do, plotwise. I mean, there's only so much for him to set on fire. But Smudge is important, not only as a kind of organic Zippo lighter, but also because he's Jig's best friend. I might forget about Smudge, but Jig never will.

GFTW: How would you describe your writing process?

Jim: Ugly? Unstable? Painful? My path from idea to finished manuscript varies a bit depending on the story, but usually it involves a few outlines, a first draft of pure chaos and confusion, and several rewrites to finally figure out what the story's about and get it down right. But it works for me.

GFTW: Where did the idea come from to do the Monday LOL books at your blog?

Jim: Heh ... I had just discovered Cat Macros, and I was bored, so I decided to slap a few captions on books by myself and my friends. I posted them on LiveJournal, and the reaction was very positive, so I did a few more. If something makes people grin or laugh, I tend to keep doing it. I think I've done about 40 books all total. It's gotten to the point where I'll meet people at booksignings who say, "Nope, I've never heard of the goblin books. But aren't you the LOL Book guy?"

GFTW: Why do you choose to write primarily fantasy, even though your mainstream fiction has been well-received?

Jim: I haven't actually written a lot of mainstream stuff. One novel and a handful of short stories. I'm proud of them, but I have a lot more fun with fantasy. I love the magic and the wonder. I even love the clichés, the dragons and the shiny swords and the wizards. There are other genres and subgenres where I might be able to make more money, but I figure you've got to write what you love.

GFTW: You have said that you are taking a break from the Goblin stories to work with different characters. How are The Stepsister Scheme and the other Princess novels different from the stories of Jig?

Jim: The princess books are a bit more serious. Not completely serious, of course. I'm basically writing a mashup of fairy tale princesses and Charlie's Angels. But the characters are more complex, and I think the stories have a little more depth and power. Also, it was kind of fun to switch from Jig the anti-warrior to one of my princesses who's skilled enough to kill an armed and armored warrior with a spoon.

GFTW: You attend a lot of conventions. What do you like most about attending?

Jim: I mostly do the local conventions, for budgetary and family reasons. I've always been a bit of an introvert, so the first few times I went, I felt completely overwhelmed. These days, having met some of my fans and fellow writers, I love the cons. I love getting together with "my people," being able to make goofy jokes about Babel fish or quote Firefly with people who actually get it and don't look at you like you're from another planet. Watching your book sell out in the dealer's room is a nice bonus, and a good boost for the ego.

GFTW: You have mentioned that you used to play role playing games quite often. What is your favorite role playing game memory?

Jim: A friend spent a long time planning a major battle between our party and a Kraken. We had our little charms to let us breathe and move underwater. Each player was allowed to choose one other magical item for the battle. So after watching the rest of the party hack, slash, and fireball this huge monster to little effect, I swam up and tapped it with a wand of polymorph. Kraken fails magic resistance and saving throw, and I turn him into a butterfly. The gamemaster glares at me, hate searing the air between us, and mutters, "It drowns." I'll leave it to the reader to figure out which scene was partly inspired by that game.

GFTW: Any parting thoughts?

Jim: If a goblin challenges you to a game of rakachak, just say no. Trust me on this. Thanks for the great questions. I hope folks enjoy the books!

Keep the belly laughs coming by reading Jim's blog.

Also, read a pdf excerpt from his forthcoming novel Goblin War, set for release in March 2008.

---
*Jim says it is okay for me (a man) to use the word pizazz, "but the Code of Testosterone requires that you grunt a few times and scratch yourself while doing so. Belching is optional :-)."

(Author Photo © Craig Hebert)

Book Review: Bash Down the Door and Slice Open the Badguy edited by W. H. Horner

* Genre: Comic Fantasy, Short Fiction
* ISBN: 0971360855
* ISBN-13: 9780971360853
* Format: Paperback, 276pp
* Publisher: Fantasist Enterprises
* Pub. Date: May 2007

Laughter, they say, is the best medicine. But what kind of laughter? Nervous laughter? Belly Laughter? Or that sinister chuckle we all at least feel at someone else’s misfortune? Well, what ever kind is medicinal for you, you will likely find it in Bash Down the Door and Slice Open the Badguy and anthology of humorous tales of swords and sorcery edited by W. H. Horner. Horner was also the editor of Sails and Sorcery, and anthology which this reviewer called a bit of a “mixed bag”. But this collection, while published earlier, is a much stronger assortment of stories.

The introduction, by John Moore, gives a history of humorous swords and sorcery going back to Don Quixote. Unbeknownst to me, Don Quixote was a parody of a swords and sorcery romance akin to Le Morte D’Arthur. Moore concludes from the fact that if the first great European novel was a satire of a fantastic romance, that “all good fiction, after all, needs a reality check.” That fiction, and fantasy in particular needs life is more than the gloomy picture that the genre’s gloomy seminal works portray (think LOTR). I agree, for life, after all, is about humor as much as it is pain and tragic death.

All of these twenty-four stories are quite funny. All though not all are laugh out loud uproarious, they still bring a smile to your face, whether due to the ridiculousness of the situations, the satire, or the witticisms of the authors.

“Beerwulf” is a take on Beowulf from the monster’s point of view. When the armored and boastful hero steps into the lake containing the monsters he ends up having to be saved by them. Lawrence C. Connolly has written monster characters we can root for.

“A Different Shade of Knight” by Jason S. Ridler has a protagonist who finds favor with a small god of chance. This is unfortunate, as chance is a fickle god, and coincidences don’t always end in your favor. The humor of this story comes from the strange coincidences that occur to create highly improbable (even for a fantasy) situations.

“Assassin’s Playground” by A. G. Devitt has some hapless heroes misapplying half learned techniques to rescue a fair maiden. The humor is slapstick, reminding me of a Steve Martin film.

Not really a funny story, but an okay mystery is “Mistress Fortune Favors the Unlucky” by Eugie Foster (an Atlantan like myself). I think that with mention of bondage, flogging and other S & M sex references the author was trying to create humor through shock. This didn’t happen for me, although I did enjoy the mystery story that was presented.

“A Lesson in Heroics” reminds us that all actions have consequences. Especially when you fool with an old granny. The supposed heroes learn that true heroism requires chivalry, not just killing or capturing the bad guy. The moral lesson of Jeremy Yoder’s tale was great, and the little old lady who is the centerpiece of the story is a hilarious no nonsense woman.

A great story is Paul Crilley’s “The Ice Maiden Speaketh” a mix of letter format and narrative, Crilley’s story is creative. What happens when an evil overlord gets a midlife crisis? Does he write the “Dear Abby” of his local magazine? Crilley has a modern psychological twist to the evil overlord story.

Sometimes a friendship can be pushed too far. And sometimes the sidekick just doesn’t get his due. “Keep Coming Back for More” is more sad and anguished than truly humorous. Margaret Ronald didn’t really draw any laughs from me, although I did enjoy for the poor narrator’s cynicism about his constant resurrections, and ignoble deaths.

“The Great Thrakkian Rebellion” by Megan Crewe is a quick look at the reason why goblins, orcs and trolls so often work for evil overlords. Well, because they are just so easily led. A funny look at life in the trenches of an evil overlord’s minions.

“Always Read the Fine Print” is a good lesson to learn, especially in magic. L. L. Donahue’s magician just wants to give his niece a dancing bear. But dabbling in forbidden magics is forbidden for a reason. A satisfyingly ironic “spell gone wrong” story.

Sometimes even the characters know how the story is going to end. “Heard It” by Dale Mettam cuts right to the chase. Worldly-wise heroes know that one quest is often just the same as any other one. Mettam’s heroes have “Heard It” all before. A sideways look at the ridiculousness of the epic quest.

“Crossing Swords” by Murray J. D. Leeder was one of the stories I was looking forward to in this anthology. What does a sentient sword do? After all, they live for millennia, and even get used by some pretty idiotic heroes. A funny look at what sentience does to something without the ability to do anything for itself.

K. D. Wentworth is a notable author but I felt that “Hallah Iron-thighs and the Hounds of Hell” was rather a dull tale. The protagonists end up adopting a hound of hell, but Wentworth does little really with the possible implications of that, instead opting to move in a different and only slightly related direction. What humor there is comes from the interchange of Hallah and Gerta but beyond that the story wanders and ends abruptly.

Pity the poor famous person. “There’s Only One Dakon the Mighty” by Elizabeth K. Hopkinson picks up where most heroic tales leave off. After all, heroic success is bound to draw admirers, journalists, and politicians out of the woodwork. But heroes are not cut out for administrative work as Dakon finds out. But using doubles to meet all your obligations can be problematic too, as Dakon finds out. Sometimes, someone else is a better you. Confusion creates the hilarity of this story.

Jim C. Hines’ “Goblin Hero” is a must read story of course, especially because this gives us the back story for the relationship between Jig the Goblin and Smudge the fire-spider. Although this story was not as strong as the novels, it still had the same self-deprecating hero. I didn’t enjoy this story as much as the novels, mostly because I felt that based on the character first introduced in Goblin Quest that the events related seemed out of character. Jig’s behavior and actions are out of sync with the character we meet in the first novel. I would have made more sense for the Jig of this story to behave this way after Goblin Quest but not before.

“No Shit, There We Were” by Michael Brendan redeems the city watchman. Sometimes the heroes are just bullies with good PR. A story told from the city watchman’s point of view. Although this story wasn’t particularly funny, it was a nice look on the other side of the law from that of most fantasies.

In “But Before I Kill You….” Lindsey Duncan explores the need for love that even evil overlords have, especially if they are female. While I thought Duncan’s writing was a little rough (her sentence structures were a little annoying to me) her story was cute and sweet giving rise to a laugh of delight at the love sickness of her character. Duncan's story finds that while evil folk might be powerful, their own human nature is often even more powerful.

When working as a team, one should really work to get along. But the characters of “An Incident at Black Tongue Tavern” by Michael Turner fail to remember that truth and so end up cornering the righteous instead of the villains. This story panders to the men who enjoy their female heroines topless. Its one fight scene is a bit contrived, and the story has only a little forced humor.

In a standard sword and sorcery, the female characters are often buxom ladies in chainmail. But what happens when one culture finds what we consider ugly is in fact beautiful? How would that make the buxom ladies feel? Melissa Lee Shaw explores this in “Delilah’s Dames in Nomadsland”. As a man, the utter ridiculousness of finding an overweight small-breasted woman with a mustache beautiful made me laugh, especially when tanned, buxom women were there for the offing. (I know; I’m a sexist.) Shaw really turned the female character of sword and sorcery trope on its head, without changing the superficialities we love.

“The Atrocious Head-Bashing Troubadour” by C.M. Huard shows us the humor we can find when the mighty are brought low as a result of their own folly. The hero in this tale is plain-speaking, and reminds that reader that the powerful are not always the smartest of people.

“The Voice of Reason” by Ken Brady is another story about music. When a solitary woman has her solace interrupted by a goat headed man’s singing, she resorts to violence. But actions have consequences, as this lady finds out.

A heartwarming story of a landlady’s care for her favorite tenant is “In the Shit” by Barbara Davies. There are a few humorous moments (such as when the buff barbarian turns out to be gay) but for the most part this is just a nice little tale about helping out a friend in need.

Having successful fathers is not always easy, especially when he is a famous wrestler and you are a shrimp. But in “The Wrestler’s Apprentice” by Stephen Castillet, the hero uses brains over brawn, especially when he discovers that his companion on his quest is a metal man and a barbarian who has an allergy to violence. An eminently readable story, the jokes are obvious, but I have to say I really enjoyed the digs at union politics.

In the same vein as “The Ice Maiden Speaketh” is “The Order of the Crimson Tunic” by Kevin N. Haw. Written as the expendable henchman writing home to his mother, Haw provokes laughter by making the letters lighthearted while the henchman’s comrades fall around him one by one. This is a humorous ending to the dungeon crawl, and when the henchman wins out the end, a little cheer came from my lips.

“Just Temping” creates an alternate dimension story. The female protagonist is a human from our world and time, but the setting is a fantasy world. Susan Sielinski has her protagonist temp in for the position of evil overlord. But sometimes, doing your job well can land you in a lot of trouble. Sielenski’s story was the most creative and humorous of the bunch, and as the closing story, it let’s the reader wrap up the anthology on a high note of laughter.

I can honestly say that all of the stories were fun to read. The anthology is a solid collection. It was nice that while there was sexual innuendo it never devolved into explicit description, allowing the stories to maintain their lighthearted humor. And even though some of the stories use cursing, it was usually cleverly funny and appropriate or even accurate as with Barbara Davies’ In the Shit. (The solution to the problem of the story is literally going through a sewer and up into a water closet.)

All of the stories used different kinds of humor to produce the same reaction – laughter. Anyone who reads these twenty-four stories will find several that resonate with their preferred type of humor, whether satire, uncomfortable situations, a little potty humor, or a fine wit. I highly recommend this anthology for a good laugh when life has got you down. A dose of Bash Down the Door and Slice Open the Badguy and you’ll cheer up in no time.

The entire list of stories is below:

“Beerwolf” by Lawrence C. Connolly
“A Different Shade of Knight” by Jason S. Ridler
“Assassin’s Playground” by A. G. Devitt
“Mistress Fortune Favors the Unlucky” by Eugie Foster
“A Lesson in Heroics” by Jeremy Yoder
“The Ice Maiden Speaketh” by Paul Crilley
“Keep Coming Back for More” by Margaret Ronald
“The Great Thrakkian Rebellion” by Megan Crewe
“Always Read the Fine Print” by L. L. Donahue
“Heard It” by Dale Mettam
“Crossing Swords” by Murray J. D. Leeder
“Hallah Iron-Thighs and the Hounds of Hell” by K. D. Wentworth
“There’s Only One Dakon the Mighty” by Elizabeth H. Hopkinson
“Goblin Hero” by Jim C. Hines
“No Shit, There We Were” by Michael Brendan
“But Before I Kill You...” by Lindsey Duncan
“An Incident at Black Tongue Tavern” by Michael Turner
“Delilah’s Dames in Nomadsland” by Melissa Lee Shaw
“The Atrocious Head-Bashing Troubadour” by C. M. Huard
“The Voice of Reason” by Ken Brady
“In the Shit” by Barbara Davies
“The Wrestler’s Apprentice” by Stephen Castillet
“The Order of the Crimson Tunic” by Kevin N. Haw
“Just Temping” by Susan Sielinski

They're tiny, they're toony...

Remember coming home after school to watch Tiny Toons? (Everyone remembers its daughter show Animaniacs.)

While I was home-schooled, I still did the afternoon cartoon thing on occasion. They often would do music overlays of visual imagery, giving the voice actors a little break. One of my favorites used the song Istanbul (not Constantinople) by They Might be Giants.

Lost has its Particle Man

The characters of Lost to Particle Man by They Might Be Giants. What a gem! Guess who is Universe Man?

If the 2008 Presidential Candidates were Star Wars Characters

Cannot...stop..the...laughter. If the Presidential candidates were Star Wars characters, who would they be? Leia, Jar-Jar, Darth Vader, Luke, Han? This list had some surprising correlations.

(The writer uses some offensive terminology, but it is still funny.)

Bibliophile Tattoo

For my next tattoo, I think I might just copy this. Very creative bibliogrrl!

Link via Neatorama and sent to me by Provocative Church.

A Year of Reading 2008

This is a continually updated list of all the books I have read in the year 2008. Links are to reviews I have written for some of these books. You can also look at my list for 2007.

January February March April May June
July August September October November December

January

Series 65: Uniform Investment Adviser Law Exam Manual by Kaplan Financial
The Prodigal Troll by Charles Coleman Finlay
Instant Knowledge by the editors at mental_floss
The Somnambulist by Jonathan Barnes
In The Beginning by the editors at mental_floss
Eberron: Bound by Iron by Edward Bolme
Poison Study by Maria V. Snyder
Bash Down the Door and Slice Open the Badguy edited by W. H. Horner
Hunter's Run by George R. R. Martin, Gardner Dozois and Daniel Abraham
A Bit of Madness by Emmanuel Civiello and Thomas Mosdi
Goblin Hero by Jim C. Hines
The Shadow and Night by Chris Walley
Dragon Outcast by E. E. Knight

February

Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse edited by John Joseph Adams
Breach the Hull edited by Mike McPhail
Confessor by Terry Goodkind
Blood Ties by Pamela Freeman
Sojourn Volume 6: The Bezerker's Tale by Ian Edgington and Greg Land
Forgotten Realms: Neversfall by Ed Gentry
Infoquake by David Louis Edelman
The Golden Cord by Paul Genesse
Grimspace by Ann Aguirre

March

The Death of the Necromancer by Martha Wells
Madhouse by Rob Thurman
The Dead Guy Interviews by Michael Stusser
The Hidden City by Michelle West
Klassic Koalas: Ancient Aboriginal Tales in New Retellings by Lee Barwood
Before They Are Hanged by Joe Abercrombie
Growingold with B. C. by Johnny Hart

April

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
Small Favor by Jim Butcher
Heroes Adrift by Moira J. Moore
Misspelled edited by Jule E. Czerneda
Flash Fiction Online, April 2008 edited by Jake Freivald
Rolling Thunder by John Varley
Empress by Karen Miller
Phytosphere by Scott Mackay
Goblin War by Jim C. Hines
Return of the Sword edited by Jason M. Waltz

May

Shadowmarch by Tad Williams
Forgotten Realms: Obsidian Ridge by Jess Lebow
Iron Man: Beneath the Armor by Andy Mangels
The Court of the Air by Stephen Hunt
Bloodheir by Brian Ruckley
The Martian General's Daughter by Theodore Judson
The Four Forges by Jenna Rhodes
Midnight Never Come by Marie Brennan

June

A Darkness Forged in Fire by Chris Evans
Wizards edited by Jack Dann and Gardner Dozois

July

August

September

October

November

December

January February March April May June
July August September October November December

A Year of Reading 2007

The Year is Done! I hope you had a great one and have high hopes for 2008. Below is a list of all the books I read in 2007 (I like to keep track because I am just that hyper-organized). The final five have reviews written that I just haven't posted because every review deserves a suitable amount of time at the top of the blog. You will see them in January of 2008.

January February March April May June
July August September October November December

January

Tuf Voyaging by George R. R. Martin
Condensed Knowledge by the editors at mental_floss
Crown of Stars by Kate Elliott
In the Ruins by Kate Elliott
Gifts by Ursula K. Le Guin
Changing Planes by Ursula K. Le Guin
The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson
The Ladies of Grace Adieu by Susanna Clarke
Monks and Mystics by Mindy and Brandon Withrow
Outposts: Journeys to the Surviving Relics of the British Empire by Simon Winchester
Dying of the Light by George R. R. Martin
Life@Work by John Maxwell
The Children of Men by P.D. James
Forgotten Realms: Frostfell by Mark Sehestedt
The Druids by Peter Berresford Ellis

February

The Magic of Recluce by L.E. Modesitt, Jr.
Forgotten Realms: Sacrifice of the Widow by Lisa Smedman
Dragon Champion by E. E. Knight
Forgotten Realms: Double Diamond Triangle Saga by Various Authors
Outwitting History by Aaron Lansky
Forbidden Knowledge by the editors at mental_floss

March

Three Blind Mice and Other Stories by Agatha Christie
Witness for the Prosecution and Other Stories by Agatha Christie
Rome 2006 by Rick Steves
Supplement to the Italian Dictionary by Bruno Munari
Keats and Italy by Various Authors
The Last Sin Eater by Francine Rivers
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt
Night by Elie Wiesel
Dachshunds for Dummies by Eve Adamson
Legend by David Gemmell
Midshipwizard Halcyon Blithe by James M. Ward

April

Forgotten Realms: Depths of Madness by Erik Scott de Bie
The Regatta Mystery and Other Stories by Agatha Christie
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Shakespeare's Kings by John Julius Norwich
On Becoming a Leader by Warren Bennis
The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain
Black Gate: Issue 10 Spring 2007 by John O'Neill (ed.) and Howard Andrew Jones (ed.)
Forgotten Realms - Unclean: The Haunted Lands, Book I by Richard Lee Byers

May

Dragon Avenger by E. E. Knight
Eldest by Christopher Paolini
Scatterbrained by the editors at Mental_Floss
The Prestige by Christopher Priest
Real Estate Finance for Investment Properties by Steve Berges
The Clerk's Tale by Margaret Frazer
The Bastard's Tale by Margaret Frazer
The Hunter's Tale by Margaret Frazer
Forgotten Realms - The Gossamer Plain: The Empyrean Odyssey Book 1 by Thomas M. Reid
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
The King's Buccaneer by Raymond E. Fiest
The King Beyond the Gate by David Gemmell
The Unhandsome Prince by John Moore
A Fate Worse than Dragons by John Moore
Maskerade by Terry Pratchett
The Truth by Terry Pratchett
Carpe Jugulum by Terry Pratchett

June

Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett
The Fifth Elephant by Terry Pratchett
Coraline by Neil Gaiman
Night Watch by Terry Pratchett
Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett
A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah
The Restorer by Sharon Hinck
Another Fine Myth/Myth Conceptions by Robert Asprin
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Father of Dragons by L. B. Graham

July

Black History Through Blue Eyes: The Debt the World Owes to Africa by James Seymour
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Forgotten Realms: Scream of Stone, The Watercourse Trilogy Book III by Philip Athans
The Case of the Missing Books by Ian Sansom
Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
Lud-in-the-Mist by Hope Mirrlees
Dangerous Visions edited by Harlan Ellison
The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
The Widow's Tale by Margaret Frazer
A Rhyming History of Britain by James Muirden, David Eccles (Illustrator)

August

More Than A Hobby by David Green
Real Estate Investment Trusts: Structure, Performance, and Investment Opportunities by Su Han Chan, John Erickson, Ko Wang
Tipperary: A Novel by Frank Delaney
Explorer's House: National Geographic and the World It Made by Robert M. Poole
Forgotten Realms: The Howling Delve by Jaleigh Johnson
A Life Well Spent: The Eternal Rewards of Investing Yourself and Your Money in Your Family by Russ Crosson
Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank
The Telling by Ursula K. Le Guin

September

Black Gate Issue #11 by John O'Neill (ed.)
The Surrogates by Robert Venditti, Brett Weldele
Shadowstorm by Paul S. Kemp
Forgotten Realms: Swords of Dragonfire by Ed Greenwood
Forgotten Realms: Shadowstorm by Paul S. Kemp
The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie
Honored Enemy by Raymond E. Feist and William R. Fortschen
Murder in LaMut by Raymond E. Feist and Joel Rosenberg
Forgotten Realms: Storm of the Dead by Lisa Smedman
The Elephant and the Dragon: The Rise of India and China and What it Means for All of Us by Robyn Meredith
The Innocent Mage by Karen Miller
Union of Renegades by Tracy Falbe
Winterbirth by Brian Ruckley

October

Wind Follower by Carole McDonnell
The Sagittarius Command by R. M. Meluch
The Summoner by Gail Z. Martin
Making Money by Terry Pratchett
Crystal Rain by Tobias Buckell
Goblin Quest by Jim C. Hines

November

Scarlet by Stephen R. Lawhead
The Princes of the Golden Cage by Nathalie Mallet
Green Rider by Kristen Britain
The Phoenix Unchained by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory
Forgotten Realms: Stardeep by Bruce Cordell
The Awakened Mage by Karen Miller
Forgotten Realms: The Orc King by R. A. Salvatore
Ragamuffin by Tobias Buckell
A Prayer for the Damned by Peter Tremayne
The Blue Haired Bombshell by John Zakour
Hedge Hunters by Katherine Burton
Sails and Sorcery: Tales of Nautical Fantasy edited by W. H. Horner
Shimmer, The Pirate Issue edited by John Joseph Adams

December

Eberron: The Orb of Xoriat by Edward Bolme
Sojourn: The Sorcerer's Tale by Ian Edgington and Greg Land
Across the Face of the World by Russell Kirkpatrick
Forgotten Realms: Crypt of the Moaning Diamond by Rosemary Jones
Fellowship Fantastic by Martin H. Greenberg and Kerrie Hughes
Genetopia by Keith Brooke
The Tales of the Last War edited by Mark Sehestedt
Bad A** Faeries edited by Danielle Ackley-McPhail
Robin Hood and the Beasts of Sherwood by Clayton Emery
Tides by Scott Mackay
Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet

January February March April May June
July August September October November December

Book Reviews by Title

These are the my book reviews, categorized alphabetically by the title. (Click here for categorization by author.) "The" doesn't count towards the title.

You can also subscribe to an RSS feed of my reviews at librarything.

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

A

A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah
A Rhyming History of Britain by James Muirden (author) and David Eccles (illustrator)
Across the Face of the World by Russell Kirkpatrick
Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank
Are Women Human? by Dorothy Sayers
Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet
The Awakened Mage by Karen Miller

B

Bad-A** Faeries edited by Danielle Ackley-McPhail (et al.)
Badger's Moon by Peter Tremayne
Bash Down the Door and Slice Open the Badguy edited by W. H. Horner
Before They Are Hanged by Joe Abercrombie
Beyond the Summerland by L. B. Graham
Breach the Hull edited by Mike McPhail
A Bit of Madness by Emmanuel Civiello and Thomas Mosdi
Black Gate: Issue #11 edited by John O'Neill
Black History Through Blue Eyes: The Debt the World Owes to Africa by James Seymour
The Blade Itself by Joe Abercrombie
Bloodheir by Brain Ruckley
Blood Ties by Pamela Freedman
The Blue-Haired Bombshell by John Zakour

C

The Children of Men by P. D. James
The Clerk's Tale by Margaret Frazer
Confessor by Terry Goodkind
The Court of the Air by Stephen Hunt
The Crown of Stars Series by Kate Elliott
Crystal Rain by Tobias Buckell
Condensed Knowledge by the editors of mental_floss

D

Dangerous Visions edited by Harlan Ellison
The Dead Guy Interviews by Michael Stusser
The Death of the Necromancer by Martha Wells
Dragon Champion by E. E. Knight
Dragon Outcast
The Druids by Peter Berresford Ellis
Dying of the Light by George R. R. Martin

E

Eberron: Bound by Iron by Edward Bolme
Eberron: The Orb of Xoriat by Edward Bolme
Eberron: The Tales of the Last War by Mark Sehestedt
The Elephant and the Dragon: The Rise of India and China and What it Means for All of Us by Robyn Meredith
Empress by Karen Miller
Eragon by Christopher Paolini
Explorer's House: National Geographic and the World It Made by Robert M. Poole

F

Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
Fellowship Fantastic by Martin H. Greenberg and Kerrie Hughes
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Flash Fiction Online, April 2008 edited by Jake Freivald
Forgotten Realms: The City of Splendors by Elaine Cunningham and Ed Greenwood
Forgotten Realms: Crypt of the Moaning Diamond by Rosemary Jones
Forgotten Realms: The Gossamer Plain by Thomas M. Reid
Forgotten Realms: The Howling Delve by Jaleigh Johnson
Forgotten Realms: Obsidian Ridge by Jess Lebow
Forgotten Realms: The Orc King by R. A. Salvatore
Forgotten Realms: Road of the Patriarch by R. A . Salvatore
Forgotten Realms: Shadowstorm by Paul S. Kemp
Forgotten Realms: Stardeep by Bruce Cordell
Forgotten Realms: Swords of Dragonfire by Ed Greenwood
Forgotten Realms: Unclean by Richard Lee Byers

G

Genetopia by Keith Brooke
The Gift of Pain by Paul Brand and Philip Yancey
Glory Road by Robert Heinlein
Green Rider by Kristen Britain
Goblin Hero by Jim C. Hines
Goblin Quest by Jim C. Hines
Goblin War by Jim C. Hines
The Golden Cord by Paul Genesse
Grimspace by Ann Aguirre
Growingold with B.C. by Johnny Hart

H

Hedge Hunters by Katherine Burton
Henry V (Classical Comics Edition) by William Shakespeare
Heroes Adrift by Moira J. Moore
The Hidden City by Michelle West
Honored Enemy by Raymond E. Feist and William R. Fortschen
Hood by Stephen Lawhead
Hunter's Run by George R. R. Martin, Gardner Dozois, and Daniel Abraham

I

Infoquake by David Louis Edelman
The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain
The Innocent Mage by Karen Miller
Iron Man: Beneath the Armor by Andy Mangels

J

J. R. R. Tolkien: A Biography by Humphrey Carpenter
The Junior Books by Dave Ramsey

K

Klasssic Koalas: Ancient Aboriginal Tales in New Retellings by Lee Barwood
Knife of Dreams by Robert Jordan
The Know-It-All by A. J. Jacobs

L

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. LeGuin
Legend by David Gemmell
The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson
Life@Work by John C. Maxwell

M

Madhouse by Rob Thurman
Magician by Raymond E. Feist
The Magic of Recluce by L. E. Moedesitt Jr.
Making Money by Terry Pratchett
Master of Souls by Peter Tremayne
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
Midnight Never Come by Marie Brennan
Midshipwizard Halcyon Blithe by James M. Ward
Misspelled edited by Julie E. Czerneda
Monks and Mystics by Mindy and Brandon Withrow
Moon Gate by David Weldon and William Proctor
More Than A Hobby by David Green
The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson
Murder in LaMut by Raymond E. Feist and Joel Rosenberg

N

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss
Night by Elie Wiesel
The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith

O

On Becoming A Leader by Warren Bennis
Outposts: Journeys to the Surviving Relics of the British Empire by Simon Winchester
Outwitting History by Aaron Lansky

P

Phantom by Terry Goodkind
The Pendragon Cycle by Stephen Lawhead
The Phoenix Unchained by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory
Phytosphere by Scott Mackay
Poison Study by Maria V. Snyder
The Prestige by Christopher Priest
The Princes of the Golden Cage by Nathalie Mallet
The Prodigal Troll by Charles Coleman Finlay

Q

R

Ragamuffin by Tobias Buckell
Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
The Restorer by Sharon Hinck
Return of the Sword edited by Jason M. Waltz
The Rick Steves' Travel Guide Series by Rick Steves
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Robin Hood and the Beasts of Sherwood by Clayton Emery
Rolling Thunder by John Varley

S

The Sagittarius Command by R. M. Meluch
Sails and Sorcery: Tales of Nautical Fantasy edited by W. H. Horner
Scarlet by Stephen Lawhead
Shadow in the Deep by L. B. Graham
The Shadow and Night by Chris Walley
Shadowmarch by Tad Williams
Shakespeare's Kings by John Julius Norwich
Shimmer, The Pirate Issue edited by John Joseph Adams
Small Favor by Jim Butcher
Smoke in the Wind by Peter Tremayne
Sojourn: The Bezerker's Tale by Ian Edgington and Greg Land
Sojourn: The Sorcerer's Tale by Ian Edgington and Greg Land
The Somnambulist by Jonathan Barnes
The Summoner by Gail Z. Martin
The Surrogates, Vol. 1 by Robert Venditti

T

Teacher Man by Frank McCourt
Thud! by Terry Pratchett
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
Tides by Scott Mackay
Tipperary: A Novel by Frank Delaney
The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn
The Truth by Terry Pratchett

U

Union of Renegades by Tracy Falbe

V

W

Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse edited by John Joseph Adams
Wind Follower by Carole McDonnell
Winterbirth by Brian Ruckley

X

Y

Z

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

The Tiefling and the Gnome

This is a great little animation on one of the major changes in the Dungeons and Dragons Fourth Edition. Quite funny. Favorite character: The badger.

HT: Bruce Cordell

Presidential Candidates reading Science Fiction?

Neil Gaiman posted this link over at his blog where a NY Times writer suggests to the presidential candidates the science fiction they should read. It is nonpartisan funny.

Book Review: The Blue-Haired Bombshell by John Zakour

* Genre: Mystery, Humor, Science Fiction
* ISBN: 075640455X
* ISBN-13: 9780756404550
* Format: Mass Market Paperback, 368pp
* Publisher: Penguin Group (DAW)
* Pub. Date: December 4, 2007

Sometimes, in these cold winter months, you just want to curl up on the couch with a book that will make you smile. May I suggest that if you are feeling the need, that you pick up John Zakour’s The Blue-Haired Bombshell? All right, I know, the title makes you cringe. It sounds like one of those bad stories from the pulp age of SF. You know, the ones with buxom babes, lots of sword fights and not a whole lot of character depth? Well, The Blue-Haired Bombshell is kinda like that in style and feel. Zakour has intentionally tried to recreate that effect. In fact, Zakour's novels even use old 1940s style layouts and illustrations for the cover, giving them that pulp novel feel.

Zakour brings to the fore everything we loved about the pulp age of SF and mixes it with everything that was great about the old noir mystery’s in his novels. The main character, Zachary Nixon Johnson (poor guy, what a name) is the very last private detective on Earth, and unfortunately for him, he is actually pretty good at it. In four previous novels, he has successfully saved the world several times, usually from an Austin Powers style madman (or should I say, madwoman?) Almost all of the characters that surround Zach in this first person novel are women, all gorgeous, and all way more powerful than the average joe or jane. Psionic powers have come to the fore in the world Zakour paints, as well as the powerful role of genetics. The end result is superwomen whose power has gone just a bit to their heads. One woman thinks she is a superhero, another lives in a fairy tale realm of her own imagining, except she can make it exist, and even Zach’s secretary is a super powerful psionic able to move objects with her mind or read people’s thoughts.

The Blue-Haired Bombshell is another of Zach’s world saving escapades. In this case, several important members of the World Council have been slaughtered and it is believed that one of their bodyguards committed the crime. Zach, who had personal knowledge of both the accused and one of the victims, knows this isn’t true. He suspects a plot by the Moon (or Moonies as they are called, all of whom are of Asian descent, hmmm). The moon has been suing for its freedom from Earth, and Zach thinks that the World Council members were killed for their opposition to the Moon’s freedom. He then embarks on a zany mystery with the supercomputer implanted in his mind HARV, the extremely perky gun GUS, and psionic Carol, his secretary.

Zakour has done a good job of giving the reader a humorous science fiction novel. What Terry Pratchett has done in using fantasy to satirize culture and the genre of fantasy, Zakour has done with science fiction. While the writing is perhaps not on par with Pratchett, the humor is close. The story is non stop action, as Zach bounces from one near death experience to another, all the while finding the clues that lead to the real culprit. I enjoyed it as great escapism for a cold and yucky Saturday.

Zakour is especially good with language and wit. Instead of the standard “god” or “damn” for curse words, he instead chooses to use “Gates” and “DOS” respectively. That’s pretty clever and geeks everywhere will get a kick out of it. The story is also rife with puns, alliterations, and funny acronyms. To tell you them would ruin the humor, but trust me, you will like them.

Of course, this is just a simple story, and anyone looking for high literature or some epic space opera would do well to steer clear. Zakour’s novel is simply ridiculous in content and plot. You will need to be looking for something to laugh at and with if you want to enjoy this book. And The Blue-Haired Bombshell has its flaws. Some of the humor Zakour attempts falls rather flat, or can even be described as offensive. But these are few and far between. It also could be difficult to follow the conversation when several people were speaking in Zach’s mind at once (although this does also add some humor to the story). His descriptions of the surroundings are sparse when action is occurring, so sometimes it can be difficult to place people in relation to each other in your mind’s eye. Women might find it somewhat offensive, as all the female characters are buxom and beautiful. Yet they are strong, stronger than Zach, and he must rely on their skills ultimately to save the world.

But really, don’t go looking for anything deep or meaningful in the story. Just relax and let your eyes coast over the page. Humor is the best medicine, so they say, and The Blue-Haired Bombshell is sure to make you smile just a little bit.

The Blue-Haired Bombshell is one of those guilty little pleasures we all need at the end of a long day. So take your eyes off the computer screen for a few hours, let your Jedi rest his sword arm, and pick up The Blue-Haired Bombshell.

Famous Last Words: The Musical

Mental_floss Magazine and Blog can always be relied upon for great written humor using trivia, but they also have a talented filmmaker on their staff. Ransom Riggs wrote and directed this hilarious little film about famous last words. Funny and informative too. Check out his other stuff at youtube after you watch this one.

Notes: A Book Reading with A.J. Jacobs

A Book Reading with A.J. Jacobs
MJCCA Book Festival 11/9/2007
Sweetwater Brewing Company Brew Ha-Ha

Author of The Know-it-All (my review) and The Year of Living Biblically

- believes in full immersion in projects
- likes to think of himself as human guinea pig; his “life as a laboratory”.

- Two key articles
o My Outsourced Life in Esquire – outsourced his life to a company in India, and lazed about for a month. Best month of his life.
o I Think You’re Fat – tried out radical honesty, where you lack a filter on what you say. Worst month of his life.
- grew up in a secular home
o He is, “Jewish in the way Olive Garden is Italian.”

- Steps to writing The Year of Living Biblically
o Bought a stack of Bibles
o Collected a board of spiritual advisors
o Read the Bible in several versions and made a list of 700 rules to follow.
o Followed them.
1. Some easier than others, such as in Leviticus 20:27 (ESV) “They shall be stoned with stones; their blood shall be upon them.” All Jacobs had to do was avoid picking a fight.

- There were 2 hard rules to follow
o Avoiding the sins we commit every day such as lying, gossip and coveting
1. “I never became a saint, never became Angelina Jolie.”
2. But in pretending to be a better person, he became one.
o there were rules that were troubling in modern day America, such as stoning adulterers
1. Bypassed this by only using pebbles.
2. Read story from The Year of Living Biblically (pg. 91-94, Day 62) about running into a man who admitted to being an adulterer and the end result of his attempt to stone him.

- There were 2 motivations for writing The Year of Living Biblically
o Genuine spiritual inquiry – sparked by his need to raise up his son morally
o His concern with fundamentalism
- found that the interpretations of words is important
o found out that stoning is not what we traditionally think of it as (i.e. throwing rocks) but actually throwing off a cliff, when the person was drunk.
- Jacobs “Out Bible talked a Jehovah’s Witness”.
- Ironically, he is going to appear on the cover of an evangelical magazine and in Penthouse and Playboy at the same time.

- 4 lessons learned
o Thou shalt give thanks.
o Thou shalt be reverent.
1. Jacobs started out as an agnostic, came out a reverent agnostic – meaning that he appreciates the sacredness of things more
o Thou shalt not stereotype
o Thou shalt pick and choose
- The journey took Jacobs “from the sublime to the ridiculous, and back again”
- When asked if he used the Torah as well as the Bible Jacobs replied that he wanted to, “get back to the original intent, almost like an Antonin Scalia of the Bible!”

Read more at A. J. Jacobs Blog or at mental_floss, where he is regular contributor both to the print magazine and their blog.

Book Review: Goblin Quest by Jim C. Hines

Genre: Comic Fantasy
ISBN: 0756404002
ISBN-13: 9780756404000
Format: Mass Market Paperback, 352pp
Publisher: DAW
Pub. Date: November 2006

Joining the ranks of comic fantasy authors like Terry Pratchett, Robert Asprin, Esther Freisner, and Piers Anthony is relative newcomer Jim C. Hines. His dungeon delving novel, Goblin Quest, brings a jovial and ironic spirit to the ranks of fantasy fiction.

Jig, a young, scrawny, and near-sighted goblin is content to work with muck. It keeps him out of the way of the rougher, tougher goblins, all brave warriors willing to dies to protect the lair. But through unfortunate happenstance, Jig finds himself the prisoner (although they call him a guide) of a band of adventurers seeking a magic wand, said to guarded by a dragon and hidden in the tunnels beneath Jig’s home. Forced to be their guide, Jig uses his intelligence and cleverness to fulfill the mission, even against his own will.

Goblin Quest is a funny novel, but not in a ha- ha sense. Where Terry Pratchett uses word play and satire, Piers Anthony uses ridiculous situations and strange characters, and Robert Asprin mocks tropes to create comic fantasy, Jim Hines has chosen to go another way. His novel is an adventure quest and takes place entirely within one dungeon. It has the feel of a role-playing game or early computer game. In order to both create an adventure story and create humor at the same time, Hines has blended together a does of pessimism and irony.

Take for instance Jig, the main character through whose near-sighted eyes the entire story is told. Jig is a goblin. Generally not the hero of fantasy stories, goblins usually provide sword fodder for the real heroes. Usually stupid and clannish, goblins are a fantasy staple. Nearly every epic adventure has them, but they are usually used by authors to provide a small fight scene, or to add to the hordes arrayed before the true heroes. But that is not the case here. As the story of Goblin Quest progresses we come to find that the real hero is Jig. It is his intelligence, quickness of response, and fortitude that best serve the adventurers through their quest. Neither the prideful fighter, the half-mad wizard, the detail-oriented dwarf, nor the elven thief really make success possible. It is only Jig, the lowly goblin.

While the rest of his clan lives up to the stereotypical goblin, Jig breaks the mold. Yet he cannot believe in his own success. It is here that Hines create the comic element of his fantasy. Jig is a pessimist. He always see the worst in the situation. Now, in other situations, that pessimism might add a dose of doom and gloom, but Hines weaves it into humor. At the very same time that Jig looks down on his own abilities, he does what none of the other stronger, supposedly smarter adventurers could. This provides humor. It also provides irony, as Jig compares himself often to the other fighters, and then often one ups them.

At times, I felt that Hines was not descriptive enough of the setting. I couldn’t always get my bearings, or always understand how a character had moved from one place to another. This is a difficulty to expect when the author relies on only on point of view. While it has some detrimental effect on the novel as a whole, it does not ruin the story, or break the flow of the narrative significantly.

This novel is best read by those familiar with the fantasy stereotypes. Hines’ humor is dependent on knowing the usual role of goblins in fantasy, and someone unfamiliar with this “dark race” will not get a large part of the irony. However, it can be read as a fun adventure story, a sword and sorcery story like Robert Howard’s Conan or some Forgotten Realms novels. The writing is good, Jig’s characterization is consistent and compelling, and the back-story unusual. Best of all, Goblin Quest has a surprise ending that even the most hardened of fantasy readers might react to with shock. I recommend Goblin Quest for those looking for more light-hearted fare within the fantasy genre.

Book Review: Making Money by Terry Pratchett

Genre: Humor, Satire, Fantasy
ISBN: 0061161640
ISBN-13: 9780061161643
Format: Hardcover, 384pp
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Pub. Date: September 2007
Series: Discworld Series

Once again, Terry Pratchett delivers the one-two punch of satire and action that makes his novels so much fun to read. A modern Oscar Wilde, Terry Pratchett originally began writing in order to poke fun at the fantasy genre, to attack its tropes and stereotypes. Over time, his writing style changed and his satire began to see the ridiculousness and humor in culture at large. In the past few years, he has poked fun at the government, particularly Western style democracies, republics, and parliamentary systems through stories told in the allegorical city of Ankh-Morpork.

Making Money, and its predecessor, Going Postal, satirize the banking industry and the postal system respectively. The primary character of both is Moist von Lipwig, a former swindler and con man who thrives on risk and danger. In Making Money, Lipwig has successfully brought the post office back from ruin. Now, lost in the tedium of the everyday, he seeks thrill and adventure, even going so far as to try “extreme sneezing”. Vetinari, benevolent tyrant that he is, finagles a way to get Lipwig placed in charge of the royal bank and the Ankh-Morpork mint. The rest of the story follows Lipwig through a series of misadventures, including a return of a character from his less than legal past, Golems, and the ever-smoking Adora Belle Dearheart as they revive the failing banking industry.

As always, Terry Pratchett provides pleasant and humorous escapism in Making Money. As someone in the finance industry myself, I thoroughly enjoyed his riffs on shareholders, banks and the very concept of money. In essence, Making Money is a primer on basic economics, dressed up in a clown suit.

Pratchett’s wit continues to be sharp, although a consistent reader of Pratchett’s novels is likely to see the reuse of some old jokes and a formulaic plot line. Yet Pratchett’s formula allows for a one a year novel publishing, something his fans appreciate. It should also be remembered that Pratchett almost single-handedly created the fantasy as satire/humor genre and has given it credibility, so he has the right to use a formula that he created. (I say this in response to those who complain that Pratchett has gotten too formulaic. To be honest, I enjoy the predictability of his novels. It allows me to pick one up, enjoy the humor in it, and return to it time and again as a release from the stressful and overly serious world. His humor is medicinal, and if a formulaic plot is what is required to get my medicine, I don't really mind.)

The first few chapters seem to move slowly. Pratchett seems to be off his game humor wise. The jokes are distant and the pacing seems off. But by the third chapter, Pratchett returns to his humorous prose, snapping off witticisms and creating the ridiculous situations that his readers have enjoyed since The Colour of Magic.

Pratchett also delves a little more deeply into the character of Vetinari, stripping away some of the enigmatic nature of the character, which I think ruins the effect the Tyrant of Ankh-Morpork used to create in the novels. Vetinari is humanized a little bit, and that detracts from the novel as a whole. By giving Vetinari understandable emotions, we see him less like the all-powerful man whose finger is on the pulse of the city life, and more as a human person dependent on the success of others to keep the city running. This is not an helpful element in the Discworld narrative, and Pratchett would have done better to forgo it.

While the reader is unlikely to find anything really new or innovative in Making Money, he or she will be able to return to the easy comfort of the Discworld, and fill a lazy Sunday afternoon with humor and smiles. This is not Pratchett’s best work, so those new to Discworld would be better off reading Small Gods, Men at Arms, or Going Postal first. Fans of Pratchett will enjoy the novel, as I did, although the might be disappointed at the formulaic nature of the novel overall. Still, it is fine reading, easy to speed through, with good pacing and great wit.

Now this is just downright fun

If you didn't know, today is the anniversary of Monty Python's Flying Circus first airing on the BBC. Check out this spoof of the black knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It is very well done.

Raise a Pint for Arthur Guinness!

Today be his birthday! Arthur Guinness (September 24, 1725 – January 23, 1803) was an Irish brewer and the founder of the Guinness Brewery business and family. Arthur was born in Celbridge and raised in Ardclough, County Kildare. Arthur set up his first brewery in Leixlip, but the first pint of Guinness was brewed in Celbridge in a pub where the Mucky Duck Pub currently stands.

In 1778, Guinness began to brew porter - the darker beer containing roasted barley and first drunk by London porters - and exploited Ireland's new canals to extend his market. In 1799, he brewed ale for the last time. Sales of porter increased threefold during the Napoleonic Wars, and in time St James's Gate became the largest porter and stout brewery in the world, its 'extra stout porter' becoming known simply as stout.

Check out the history of Guinness Beer here.

And check out his great-great-great-grandson, Dr. Os Guinness, here.

I, for one, am grateful to the man.

Now that is some cool looking hair

HT: Mental_Floss

DM of the Rings

Paul S. Kemp pointed me to the hilarious DM of the Rings. Says the author:

Lord of the Rings is more or less the foundation of modern D&D. The latter rose from the former, although the two are now so estranged that to reunite them would be an act of savage madness. Imagine a gaggle of modern hack-n-slash roleplayers who had somehow never been exposed to the original Tolkien mythos, and then imagine taking those players and trying to introduce them to Tolkien via a D&D campaign.

It uses pictures from the movie, and the parts I have read are hilarious.

Which Transformer are You?

I went with the wife to see The Bourne Ultimatum (pretty good) and Transformers (awesome!) in an unplanned double feature. Darra (the dog) was getting spayed so she was spending th night at the vet's. The wife and I took the opportunity for a date night. We didn't get home till after midnight, but it was so worth it. Anyway, turns out I'm a pretty stylish transformer, take a look below.

I AM
67%
JAZZTake the Transformers Quiz

Which Transformer are You?

I went with the wife to see The Bourne Ultimatum (pretty good) and Transformers (awesome!) in an unplanned double feature. Darra (the dog) was getting spayed so she was spending th night at the vet's. The wife and I took the opportunity for a date night. We didn't get home till after midnight, but it was so worth it. Anyway, turns out I'm a pretty stylish transformer, take a look below.

I AM
67%
JAZZTake the Transformers Quiz

I want one of these.

This kinda stuff makes life worth living! This is just over the top. I really want one!

Book Review: A Rhyming History of Britain by James Muirden

Author: James Muirden, David Eccles (Illustrator)
Pub. Date: October 2003
Format: Paperback, 213pp
Publisher: Walker & Company
Personal Rating: 4.5/5

I'm not much into poetry, (I can barely read Shel Silverstein), but I love British history. Anglophile that I am, I was glad to come across James Muirden's, A Rhyming History of Britain. Writing more for his own amusement and desire to remember, Muirden's couplets tell the sometimes sad but often hilarious history of the reigning monarchs of England from the Celts to the free love 1960's.

Coupled (see what I did there?) with David Eccles brilliant and hilarious illustrations, this book makes learning very fun. The poem is divided in to section s based on the ruling houses. York and Stuart, Hanover and the current Windsor, each of the foibles and successes of the kings and queens of England are laid out in charming verse.

Muirden himself describes the poem in this way,

This cheerful poem has been written
To tell the history of Britain;
For People puzzled by the Past—
If this means YOU, here’s help at last!

From Celts to Churchill, it relates
(With all the most Important Dates)
Our country’s convoluted course . . .
Why Richard hollered for a horse;
Why Eleanor was such a catch;
Why no one liked the Spanish Match;
The pros and cons of Laissez Faire;
Smart Georgian ladies’ underwear;
Why Charles the Second went to plays;
Why Queen Jane reigned for just nine days;
The causes of the Irish trouble;
The bursting of the South Sea Bubble;
That giant glasshouse in Hyde Park;
The First World War’s igniting spark . . .

I thoroughly enjoy this book. The couplets are easy to understand, although a little knowledge of English History will be necessary. Muirden does have to at times be convoluted in trying to rhyme some of the odder words or titles of people and that can slow the reader's speed.

I highly recommend this book to teachers as a tool for teaching English history (although I know that is not really in vogue anymore) or English teachers teaching Shakespeare or poetry. Some sections are have references to certain sexual acts, but are done tastefully and more by implication than otherwise. High School students will love it, and elementary students will miss it entirely (sort of a English history Shrek).

Anglophiles will chuckle at Muirden's jokes and curl up in laughter at David Eccles illustrations.

I highly recommend A Rhyming History of Britain as a way to enjoy poetry, learn a little history, and generally enjoy learning in a new and creative way.

International Coffee Week

It's Coffee Week and nobody told me!

Fairies and the Summer Snoozer

I don't normally read the comics, but I had to be at my parents a couple of days this week, and I read these in the Atlanta-Journal Constitution. Hilarious!

For non-fiction fans, from Rose is Rose:

and for Neil Gaiman fans, from Dog Eat Doug:

How to Drive in ATL

This is one of those mass email forwards. My grandma sent me this one, but I just had to post it because it is so spot on in its humor. Made me laugh on a busy Thursday (and it ain't even half over!).

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA --
Send to all those thinking of moving here....

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Etlanna

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. Anything less is considered "Wussy".

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Atlanta has its own version of traffic rules For example, cars or trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Roswell & Alpharetta, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Atlanta and surrounding counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers, shredded tires, cell phoners, deer and other road kill, and the buzzards feeding on any of these items.

9. MapQuest does not work here, none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved each night.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

13. Above all else, enjoy your driving experience, because if you actually get where you are going on time, everybody else will be late.

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world....

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Truth)

Book Review: The Truth by Terry Pratchett

Title: The Truth
Author: Terry Pratchett
Series: Discworld Series
Format: Mass Market Paperback, 368pp

Whenever I am down in the dumps, I turn to Terry Pratchett to make me feel better. He takes a genre of literature I love, turns it on its head, wordsmiths it a bit, and out pops a satire on modern culture. It’s amazing to watch him do it.

I just finished reading one of his funnier books entitled The Truth. Of course, the truth, as we all know is a tricky thing and when the newspaper is invented in the city of Ankh-Morpork the truth is twisted even further. After all, "Most of what you get taught is lies. It has to be. Sometimes if you get the truth all at once, you can't understand it."

William de Worde is content publishing his little newsletters for the wealthy. But when the printing press is brought to Ankh-Morpork, he finds himself at the helm of the Discworld’s first newspaper. De Worde then finds that a reporter’s job is much like a pliceman's, only rather than being accountable to the government, the reporter is accountable to the public and all its strange appetites (and is paid rather less).

Pratchett deftly weaves satire about the reporter’s profession with a simple mystery set in fantasy world. It is a summer beach reader’s dream. You get a good story, clever wordplay, lots of action, and strangely shaped vegetables. The book is not overlong, is written in short vignettes that allow you to get up and cool off in the water without stopping in the middle of an important part.

The book is lighthearted and winsome. Pratchett’s talent for simile and metaphor, and the odd use of the footnote (in fiction?!?) combine to create a novel that speaks essential truths about the nature of humanity, the culture it has created, and the hilarity of it all.

Some of the humor is sexual, but not in a gross or graphic way like some humorists. It is euphemistic mostly, and it is in no way the majority of the jokes. Pratchett relies instead on the inherent funniness of similar words or word sounds, creative description, and fast-pace wording to deliver the full punch of his jokes.

Nonetheless, these are not books for children or teens. A lot of the jokes would only be understood by adults, although teens might like the story as adventure. Like the movie Shrek, different minds will take think different parts are funny, and life experience will bring out some jokes and minimize others, just as the opposite is true. Unlike Shrek, The Truth has more adult humor and language so the conservative reader may want to avoid letting their children read it.

All of Terry Pratchett’s books should be required reading. No reader of fantasy should go without a few of his volumes in their library, and everyone who likes to read just for the fun of it ought to take one or two on his next vacation. You will not regret it.

Man, I'm good lookin'!

Your Score: Jimmy Stewart

You scored 21% Tough, 9% Roguish, 47% Friendly, and 23% Charming!

You are the fun and friendly boy next door, the classic nice guy who still manages to get the girl most of the time. You're every nice girl's dreamboat, open and kind, nutty and charming, even a little mischievous at times, but always a real stand up guy. You're dependable and forthright, and women are drawn to your reliability, even as they're dazzled by your sense of adventure and fun. You try to be tough when you need to be, and will gladly stand up for any damsel in distress, but you'd rather catch a girl with a little bit of flair. Your leading ladies include Jean Arthur and Donna Reed, those sweet girl-next-door types.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the
Classic Dames Test.

Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

If you love LEGO's...

...and church, you'll love this.

Googling is Fun!

If you haven't seen or done this yet, you gotta try it.

1. go to http://www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type Atlanta, GA in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type London in the second box (the "to" box) & hit "get
directions" on the same line
6. scroll down to step #20

Hilarious!

Page Not Found

Ever get frustrated at those pages on the internet that don't open, so you get this error message with some much text that and computerese you can't make head nor tales of the problem? Well, here's Sam's humorous way of satirizing a common problem.

Insurance

In the evenings, before bed, I like to read a few definitions from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary. Obviously its is difficult to read this for any length of time, nor was it meant to be, but taking it a little at a time is fun. Some of what he writes makes me go Huh? but a lot is funny. For instance:

INSURANCE, n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

INSURANCE AGENT: My dear sir, that is a fine house — pray let me insure it.

HOUSE OWNER: With pleasure. Please make the annual premium so low that by the time when, according to the tables of your actuary, it will probably be destroyed by fire I will have paid you considerably less than the face of the policy.

INSURANCE AGENT: O dear, no — we could not afford to do that. We must fix the premium so that you will have paid more.

HOUSE OWNER: How, then, can I afford that?

INSURANCE AGENT: Why, your house may burn down at any time. There was Smith's house, for example, which —

HOUSE OWNER: Spare me — there were Brown's house, on the contrary, and Jones's house, and Robinson's house, which —

INSURANCE AGENT: Spare me!

HOUSE OWNER: Let us understand each other. You want me to pay you money on the supposition that something will occur previously to the time set by yourself for its occurrence. In other words, you expect me to bet that my house will not last so long as you say that it will probably last.

INSURANCE AGENT: But if your house burns without insurance it will be a total loss.

HOUSE OWNER: Beg your pardon — by your own actuary's tables I shall probably have saved, when it burns, all the premiums I would otherwise have paid to you — amounting to more than the face of the policy they would have bought. But suppose it to burn, uninsured, before the time upon which your figures are based. If I could not afford that, how could you if it were insured?

INSURANCE AGENT: O, we should make ourselves whole from our luckier ventures with other clients. Virtually, they pay your loss.

HOUSE OWNER: And virtually, then, don't I help to pay their losses? Are not their houses as likely as mine to burn before they have paid you as much as you must pay them? The case stands this way: you expect to take more money from your clients than you pay to them, do you not?

INSURANCE AGENT: Certainly; if we did not —

HOUSE OWNER: I would not trust you with my money. Very well then. If it is certain, with reference to the whole body of your clients, that they lose money on you it is probable, with reference to any one of them, that he will. It is these individual probabilities that make the aggregate certainty.

INSURANCE AGENT: I will not deny it — but look at the figures in this pamph —

HOUSE OWNER: Heaven forbid!

INSURANCE AGENT: You spoke of saving the premiums which you would otherwise pay to me. Will you not be more likely to squander them? We offer you an incentive to thrift.

HOUSE OWNER: The willingness of A to take care of B's money is not peculiar to insurance, but as a charitable institution you command esteem. Deign to accept its expression from a Deserving Object.

Book Review: The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain

Genre: Travel, History, Humor

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts,” so concludes (or nearly so) the most irreverent travel book ever written, by that unique American humorist, Mark Twain. Hired to take ship on one of the very first cruises ever envisioned (a near flop, actually) and write about the experience, the thirty-seven year old and relatively unknown author begins to find the voice that would make him one of the most popular American novelists of all time.

The Innocents Abroad is a sequence of letters to several newspapers (later compiled by Twain into book form) that appeared in print for the purpose of belittling the idea of cruise ships and pleasure excursions. The year was 1867, and Twain took his mandate to heart. The Innocents Abroad is filled with cutting wit and satire, sometimes at his own expense, sometimes others. “It seems to me that whenever I glory to think that for once I have discovered and ancient painting that is beautiful and worthy of all praise, the pleasure it gives me is infallible proof that it is not a beautiful picture and not in any wise worthy of commendation.”

The ship was called the Quaker City and began its trip in New York and traveled around the curve of the Mediterranean, visiting Spain, France, Italy, Greece, Turkey and the Holy Land. Twain describes the trip in such an exciting and humorous fashion that the reader will easily see the sites as they were in the great Age of Travel, before the commercialization of it.

Twain is a man of the lower class, unused to the appreciation of art, architecture, and history in the “acceptable” ways, and so the reader will find that his descriptions of what he sees and learns are honest and forthright and lack any ostentation. Twain’s travel history really examines the things seen and heard while maintaining his critical wit. His writing is an example of how a travel journal should appear. He thinks on the things he sees, questions his reactions, and accepts or dismisses them. He describes in detail the things that move him, and lightly passes by those that don’t. He both praises and derides his travel companions, but in his conclusion (written a year after the book’s publication) maintains that some of them are still his dearest friends. In fact, his future brother-in-law was his cabin mate, although he didn’t know it at the time.

The book is enjoyable for its insights into a time period, a beginning of the Golden Age of Travel, and for its insights into the growth of a writer’s voice. The Innocents Abroad was only his second book, but remained one of his best selling, even after the publication of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Any traveler will enjoy the book. It is a good book to read to learn how to journal about travel, and it also presents a slice of history not often mentioned in the history books. It is funny and thoughtful, and deliciously irreverent.

Wookieepedia

This is just too cool. According to mental_floss, "Wookieepedia, the Star Wars wiki, was created on March 4, 2005 as a resource for all things in the Star Wars universe. It is considered to be a branch of Wikipedia, but has its own domain due to Wikipedia users’ complaints about the 'overabundance of minutiae' related to Star Wars on the site." I'm a big Ultimate Collector Series Lego fan, (even though the sets are so expensive the wife humors me and gets me some of the cheaper sets on occasion, this is why I have the best wife in the world!) and the article lists most of the current Lego sets, making it easy for me to figure out which ones I'm missing. This is a Star Wars fan haven. Brings me back to the days when I actually read the encyclopedias about the Star Wars universe from cover to cover. Ah, childhood memories.

Spiritual Gift

I'm scheduled to take a spiritual gifts inventory this month. I think the above is most likely my spiritual gift. :-)

In truth, I expect to come up with the gifts of teaching and administration. I always do. Good thing I like them so much.

HT: Grandma Otter

Book Reviews by Author

These are my book reviews, categorized alphabetically by the author's last name. (Categorization by title is available here.)

You can also subscribe to an RSS feed of my reviews at librarything.

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

A

Abercrombie, Joe The Blade Itself; Before They Are Hanged
Abraham, Daniel Hunter's Run
Ackley-McPhail, Danielle (et al.) Bad-A** Faeries
Adams, John Joseph Shimmer, The Pirate Issue; Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse
Aguirre, Ann Grimspace
Alcorn, Randy The Treasure Principle

B

Barnes, Jonathan The Somnambulist
Barwood, Lee Klassic Koalas: Ancient Aboriginal Tales in New Retellings
Beah, Ishmael A Long Way Gone
Bennis, Warren On Becoming A Leader
Bolme, Edward Eberron: The Orb of Xoriat; Eberron: Bound by Iron
Brand, Paul The Gift of Pain
Brennan, Marie Midnight Never Come
Britain, Kristen Green Rider
Brooke, Keith Genetopia
Bryson, Bill The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid; The Mother Tongue
Buckell, Tobias Crystal Rain; Ragamuffin
Burton, Katherine Hedge Hunters
Butcher, Jim Small Favor
Byers, Richard Lee Forgotten Realms: Unclean

C

Carpenter, Humphrey J.R.R. Tolkien: A Biography
Chapman, Gary The Five Love Languages
Civiello, Emmanuel, A Bit of Madness
Cordell, Bruce Forgotten Realms: Stardeep
Cunningham, Elaine Forgotten Realms: The City of Splendors
Czerneda, Julie E. (ed.) Misspelled

D

Delaney, Frank Tipperary: A Novel
Dozois, Gardner Hunter's Run

E

Edelman, David Louis Infoquake
Edgington, Ian Sojourn: The Sorcerer's Tale; Sojourn: The Bezerker's Tale
Edwards, Kim The Memory Keeper's Daughter
Elliott, Kate The Crown of Stars Series
Ellis, Peter Berresford (see also Peter Tremayne) The Druids
Ellison, Harlan Dangerous Visions
Emery, Clayton Robin Hood and the Beasts of Sherwood

F

Falbe, Tracy Union of Renegades
Feist, Raymond E. Magician; Honored Enemy; Murder in LaMut
Finlay, Charles Coleman The Prodigal Troll
Forstchen, William R. Honored Enemy
Frank, Pat Alas, Babylon
Frazer, Margaret The Clerk's Tale
Freedman, Pamela Blood Ties
Freivald, Jake Falsh Fiction Online, April 2008

G

Gemmell, David Legend
Genesse, Paul The Golden Cord
Goodkind, Terry Phantom; Confessor
Graham, L.B. Shadow in the Deep; Beyond the Summerland
Green, David More Than A Hobby
Greenberg, Martin H. Fellowship Fantastic
Greenwood, Ed Forgotten Realms: The City of Splendors; Forgotten Realms: Swords of Dragonfire

H

Hart, Johnny Growingold with B.C.
Heinlein, Robert A. Glory Road
Hinck, Sharon The Restorer
Hines, Jim C. Goblin Quest; Goblin Hero; Goblin War
Horner, W. H. (ed.) Sails and Sorcery: Tales of Nautical Fantasy; Bash Down the Door and Slice Open the BadGuy
Hughes, Kerrie Fellowship Fantastic
Hunt, Stephen The Court of the Air

I

J

Jacobs, A.J. The Know-It-All
James, P.D. The Children of Men
Johnson, Jaleigh Forgotten Realms: The Howling Delve
Jones, Rosemary Forgotten Realms: Crypt of the Moaning Diamond
Jordan, Robert Knife of Dreams

K

Kemp, Paul S. Forgotten Realms: Shadowstorm
Kirkpatrick, Russell Across the Face of the World
Knight, E. E. Dragon Champion; Dragon Outcast

L

Lackey, Mercedes The Phoenix Unchained
Land, Greg Sojourn: The Sorcerer's Tale; Sojourn: The Bezerker's Tale
Lansky, Aaron Outwitting History
Lawhead, Stephen Hood; Scarlet; The Pendragon Cycle
Lebow, Jess Forgotten Realms: Obsidian Ridge
Le Guin, Ursula K. The Left Hand of Darkness

M

Mackay, Scott Tides; Phytosphere
Mallet, Nathalie The Princes of the Golden Cage
Mallory, James The Phoenix Unchained
Mangels, Andy Iron Man: Beneath the Armor
Martin, Gail Z. The Summoner
Martin, George R.R. Dying of the Light; Hunter's Run
Maxwell, John C. Life@Work
McCarthy, Cormac The Road
McCourt, Frank Teacher Man
McDonnell, Carole Wind Follower
McPhail, Mike (ed.) Breach the Hull
Meluch, R.M. The Sagittarius Command
Mental_floss Condensed Knowledge
Meredith, Robyn The Elephant and the Dragon: The Rise of India and China and What it Means for All of Us
Miller, Karen The Innocent Mage; The Awakened Mage; Empress
Moedesitt Jr., L.E. The Magic of Recluce
Moore, Moira J. Heroes Adrift
Mosdi, Thomas A Bit of Madness
Muirden, James & Eccles, David (Illustrator) A Rhyming History of Britain

N

Norwich, John Julius Shakespeare's Kings

O

O'Neill, John (ed.) Black Gate: Issue #11
Overstreet, Jeffrey Auralia's Colors

P

Paolini, Christopher Eragon
Poole, Robert M. Explorer's House: National Geographic and the World It Made
Pratchett, Terry Thud!; The Truth; Making Money
Priest, Christopher The Prestige
Proctor, William Moon Gate

Q

R

Ramsey, Dave The Junior Books
Reid, Thomas M. Forgotten Realms: The Gossamer Plain
Rivers, Francine Redeeming Love
Rosenberg, Joel Murder in LaMut
Rothfuss, Patrick The Name of the Wind
Ruckley, Brian Winterbirth; Bloodheir

S

Salvatore, R.A. Forgotten Realms: Road of the Patriarch; Forgotten Realms: The Orc King
Sayers, Dorothy Are Women Human?
Schlosser, Eric Fast Food Nation
Sehestedt, Mark (ed.) The Tales of the Last War
Setterfield, Diane The Thirteenth Tale
Seymour, James Black History Through Blue Eyes: The Debt the World Owes to Africa
Shakespeare, William Henry V (Classical Comics Edition)
Smith, Alexander McCall The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency
Snyder, Maria V. Poison Study
Steves, Rick The Rick Steves' Travel Guide Series
Stusser, Michael The Dead Guy Interviews

T

Thurman, Rob Madhouse
Tremayne, Peter (see also Peter Ellis) Badger's Moon; Master of Souls; Smoke in the Wind
Twain, Mark The Innocents Abroad

U

V

Varley, John Rolling Thunder
Venditti, Robert The Surrogates, Vol. 1

W

Walley, Chris The Shadow and Night
Waltz, Jason M. (ed.) Return of the Sword
Ward, James M. Midshipwizard Halcyon Blithe
Weldon, David Moon Gate
Wells, Martha The Death of the Necromancer
West, Michelle The Hidden City
Wiesel, Elie Night
Williams, Tad Shadowmarch
Winchester, Simon Outposts: Journeys to the Surviving Relics of the British Empire
Withrow, Mindy and Brandon Monks and Mystics

X

Y

Yancey, Philip The Gift of Pain

Z

Zakour, John The Blue-Haired Bombshell

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Book Review: The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson

Author: Bill Bryson
Genre: Memoir, History
Pub. Date: October 2006
Format: Hardcover, 288pp
Publisher: Broadway Books

The fifties were a good time to be a kid. This is the premise of Bill Bryson’s latest book The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid. Using his own memories of growing up in the fifties (he was born in 1951) he expounds on the people, the culture, and the politics of the time. He wanes nostalgic about growing up in Des Moines, Iowa and what it was like to grow up in a town where downtown was for everyone, not just tourists.

For me, this was an opportunity to see the world in which my parents grew up. My parents are close-mouthed people (and my grandparents too) so learning about this volatile and interesting time in their lives is difficult. Bryson spends the majority of his time on the fifties and his life as a nine year old boy much affected by the comic books he read. So the childhood of those born in the very beginning of the Atomic Age, as my parents were, was made open to me.

Although I usually abhor cursing in books, Bryson is subtle with his use and it does not detract from the memoir. His liberal political leanings are obvious in that the objects of many of his jokes are Republicans or social conservatives. However, this also does not detract from his story.

Bryson paints an interesting picture of a time when anything is possible, man is invincible, and logic in comic books is non-existent. It is an easily read (it only took me a day) fascinating memoir and history of life in the 1950’s.

What a Relief!

This morning's Scripture reading from Leviticus 13:40-41 was a great relief to me. It's nice to know that my thinning hair fails to make me unclean. Besides, I have no idea where I would get a lamb to sacrifice even if I was.

40 “If a man's hair falls out from his head, he is bald; he is clean. 41 And if a man's hair falls out from his forehead, he has baldness of the forehead; he is clean.

I think this is an encouragement to men everywhere. See? The OT is just as applicable and spiritually nourishing as the new. And you disdain its uses. For shame.

Crummy Church Signs

You've probably already come across this site if you surf the web much at all, but I can't help but laugh at the Crummy Church Signs. Or keep up with the latest in cheesiness, silliness, or tomfoolery at the blog.. I just laugh and laugh. Of course some of the comments aren't so great, and he obviously dislikes the establishment types of church, but its still funny.

Best Campaign Ad EVER!

WORLDmagblog had the orginal link.

Death by Caffeine

Want to know how much caffeine you can consume before dying? This is such useful information. Apparently it would take 112.37 cups of brewed coffee to kill me. And 355.30 cans of Coca-Cola Classic + You = Death in my case. Apparently, I'm quite impervious to poison. Knowing this, I think its time I tried to take over the world. HAHAHAHAHAHA! You will never stop me! I'm invincible!

Death by Caffeine

Thanks to Provocative Church (a.k.a. my assistant pastor) for the link.

The extended entry explains how the death calculator is calculated.

What time frame for the Death by Caffeine Calculator

The one question, by orders of magnitude, that gets asked here more than any other is: “It says that 10 bottles would kill me, but is that over a month, a day, a lifetime?!”

Let’s apply some common sense to this.

If you died after a lifetime consumpution of 200 cans of soda, most Americans wouldn’t make it past age 14. That’s clearly not the answer.

If you died after 200 cans of soda in a month, well, most of the loyal readers here might not have made it past age 30. It’s painfully easy to drink 6 cans daily, especially if you’re trying to stay awake to finish a project. Conversely, it’s about 142 cups of coffee for me. That’s under 5 per day. I can drink more than that with few side effects. It’s not monthly.

Weekly? That’s just a stupid measurement.

Daily? That’s actually believable. If you managed to ingest that much caffeine in one day, you won’t be feeling so hot. In fact you may be in serious trouble. Not everyone’s liver works at the same speed, and some people have reported feeling the effects of caffeine for a full 12 hours - for most people this is more like 4-5 hours.

Here’s the answer: IT’S HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TO HAVE IN YOUR SYSTEM AT ONE TIME.

Yes, it means that it’s practically impossible to kill yourself with caffeine. Practically. Don’t actually try it! After 1 gram, you’ll be a sad panda. If you manage to even challenge the number, you’ll be a schizophrenic, crazed panda, or a passed out panda. And if you’re passed out, you might get your wallet stolen.

Limerence

....now here's a fun word to use in a sentence.

limerence, n.

The state of being romantically infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.

It has been suggested that this state results from fluctuations in the levels of various neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and dopamine.

Etymology (pay particular attention to the first recorded use...that's funny.)

1977 D. TENNOV in Observer 11 Sept. 3/9, I first used the term ‘amorance’ then changed it back to ‘limerence’... It has no roots whatsoever. It looks nice. It works well in French. Take it from me it has no etymology whatsoever.
1981 L. LOCHHEAD Grimm Sisters 31 From limerance and venery She flinched as at fire.
1993 C. BIRCH Regaining Compassion for Nature i. 23 Real love, as distinct from limerence, does not destroy the freedom of the beloved. It does not violate the beloved's individual and social existence.
2001 Weekend Austral. (Nexis) 10 Feb. 18 Limerance isn't about reality, but a love state triggered by a rush of brain chemicals.

So the question is, am in limerence with my wife? (I've already been proven to have problems with seratonin levels in my brain, though I currently take nothing for it.) Hmmmmm......

People with My Name

Apparently, Ottinger's are a little more common than I thought, although there still aren't many comparatively speaking. Thanks to funke for the link, it really brightened up my day!

* There are 4,530 people in the U.S. with the last name Ottinger.
* Statistically the 7501st most popular last name. (tied with 60 other last names)

Book Review: The Know-It-All by A. J. Jacobs

I just finished A.J. Jacobs The Know-it-All, the story of his (successful) attempt to read through the Encyclopaedia Britannica. The book is both memoir and trivia book. Set up like an encyclopedia, going from A to Z, we are let into Jacobs’ life. We see his struggles with his father and the difficulties of trying to get pregnant.

Jacobs writes with a witty and understated humor. His comments are wry and always have a touch of the macabre in them. His gift for metaphor and seeing the connection between the facts he has learned give cohesiveness to all his trivia facts. It is his story, the story of his struggles and fears, phobias and compulsions. He wants to know things, and the reader identifies with him.

His agnosticism is troubling, and his liberalism obvious. His favorite scapegoats are George W. Bush, John Ashcroft, and others of their ilk. He is an equal opportunity offender in finding Jean-Paul Sartre ridiculous. He uses foul language and likes to dwell on the sexual morass of history, but this is outweighed by both his witticism and his attempts at learning.

His vignettes of his attempts to use his newfound knowledge are particularly amusing. The often blank looks on others faces, and his wife's eventual "$1-per-fact" jar show us how unappreciated the knowledgeable are. We follow his attempts to join MENSA, compete on Who Wants to be a Millionaire and meet Alex Trebek. He has lived collectors of facts most fervent desires in these few pages.

This book is a journey of self-discovery, of learning both who he is, what he can do, and what he values most in his life. At times he is sappy and silly, at others a soul-searcher and philosophical wanderer, but always he is witty.

I enjoyed the book because I felt deep connections to his love of knowledge and search for wisdom. I would recommend this to anyone who thirsts after knowledge.

It's Shallow but also Fun

According to some I look like the actors/famous people in this collage.

Despair is always
good for a laugh

This one can be found in my office. If you know why, you know me too well.

EAT BEEF

It's stuff like this that makes eating beef worthwhile.

It's Purgatory for Me

Purgatory

You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

That one was pretty serious, this one is a little more humorous.

Reduce Idiocy!

Join the Reduce Idiocy Campaign!

I love the guys over at mental_floss and their creativity. They are actually funny versus crass like so many "funnymen" you encounter today. It's nice to know that cultured humor has not died out and is even experiencing a revival of sorts.

Although I will admit that the Reduce Idiocy campaign is a little more lowbrow than usual, it is no worse than reading the Darwin Awards. It might be wrong to laugh at others follies, but at least I'm not reveling in people's lewdness, profanity, and irreverent "jokes".

Pavarotti On Parade

In celebration of Elephant Appreciation Day, watch this. And for some interesting factiods on the most famous elephant of all time read this.

Hello Again

It is now nearly 3:30 AM and I still can't fall asleep. Maybe I should try laying down huh? I wish we had some Tylenol PM around here. Good night sweet world.

Calvin Gangsta Rap

You have got to view the John Calvin Gangsta Rap. Hilarious!

Also, Derek Webb isn't the only one giivng away music, Jars of Clay is also in on the act, (even if they are not as generous).

Library Lust

Candida Hofer has published a book of photography showcasing libraries. Here are a few of the pics. Read The Nonist for a funny article about these. I want one!

BIBLIOTECA DE LA REAL ACADEMIA DE LA LENGUA MADRID

BRITISH MUSEUM LIBRARY LONDON

STRAHOVSKA KNIHOVNA PRAHA

TRINITY COLLEGE LIBRARY DUBLIN

Traveled, I am not.

create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

Me on a Good Day

Of course, I usually drink Guinness. Thanks to Cute Overload for posting it.

Brawny Academy

Before Val and I stopped watching TV, we saw these extremely funny commercials for Brawny Academy. Follow the link to enjoy the grand humor (at the expenses of males of course, but if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?)

Brawny Academy

Diet Coke and Mentos in Action

I've Been Tagged!

I've been tagged. So here it goes.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. assistant to the assistant carpenter at Covenant College
2. Night Manager @ Chic-fil-A
3. Teacher @ Covenant Christian School
4. Rod-man @ Volkert & Associates engineering company

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. The Mummy 1 & 2
2. Pride and Prejudice (A&E)
3. Tom Jones (A&E)
4. So I Married an Axe Murderer

Four places you have lived:
1. Lookout Mountain, GA
2. Lawrenceville, GA
3. Melbourne, FL
4. Trnava, Slovakia

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Friends
2. CSI (the ORIGINAL!)
3. House
4. Law & Order

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. London (honeymoon)
2. Madrid, Spain
3. Rome, Italy
4. Paris & Marseilles, France

Four websites I visit most often:
1. Tongue Tied
2. Wizards of the Coast
3. Cranach - the Blog of Gene Edward Veith
4. Covblogs

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Meatloaf
2. Periogies
3. Lamb
4. Venison

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Where Valerie is.
2. In Atlanta at my new house
3. With my college friends
4. abed

Bio-Optic Organized
Knowledge Device [BOOK]

You may have seen this already, floating around the web or in SPAM, but it was too good not to post. Yea, BOOK!

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device,
trade named: BOOK

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no
wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be
connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child
can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even
sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful
enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc. Here's
how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper
(recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of
information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit
device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their
correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use
both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density
and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for
further increases in information density; for now, BOOKs
with more information simply use more pages.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information
directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to
the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used
merely by opening it.

Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires
rebooting, and it can even be dropped on the floor or
stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable
if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The
"browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet
and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an
"index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of
selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to
the exact place you left it in a previous session -- even if
the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design
standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by
various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKmarkers can
be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous
views at once. The number is limited only by the number of
pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries
with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib
Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a
precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK's appeal
seems so certain that thousands of content creators have
committed to the platform and investors are reportedly
flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

An Engineer's Christmas Lights

What happens when an electrical engineer puts up his Christmas Lights?

Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Wizard of Winter

I am Caspian

Rachel Vendsel over at Vox Vendsel showed me this quiz at NarniaWeb.

As Prince Caspian you are a noble, goodhearted but mischie