May 23, 2006
Love Theory
My Wife told me that I must turn this idea into a blog post, so under her command, here goes.
I have never been one of those who held to the theory of MFEO (Made for each other) that so many others ascribe to. By that I mean that I don't believe that I was predestined to marry my wife. God did not order events so that I would meet her in particular. I could have met anyone and married her instead, if we believed we could make a life together. (I know, this sounds unromantic, but hear me out.)
If we were to play the what if game and say that if we had made different decisions and ended up in different cities or states, I do not hold to the theory that we still would have met somehow and married.
That is not to say that God did not know who I would marry long before I did. I just don't believe that God would have ordered the world so that I would meet that one person. I tend to think that is very arrogant of me. Of course, God's knowledge of the future is one of the great mysteries of faith and I do not want to digress into a theological conundrum.
I do believe that there were many women I could have potentially married. Just because I met and married my wife does not mean that I had to do so. That destroys that aspect called free will that is part of our human makeup.
I believe that I met a woman who, from the first time I saw her, had the potential to become my wife. I actively pursued her, got know her, and fell in love with her, so I married her.
Why do I believe this?
I do so because I do not want to be so presumptuous as to believe that God moves the world around so that I would meet one particulatr person and make her my spouse.
I also think that so many people (especially Christians) fall into the MFEO trap, and thereby ruin their marriages. The think that because they were meant for each other, that God will ensure that they stay together, so they don't work at their marriage, continually trying to improve it and make it better, and so they end up divorced.
To me, MFEO is a way for married couples out there to deny any responsibility in marriage. If, after all, we are made for each other, than we will be a perfect fit, we should rarely (if ever) have any problems, and all will be hunky-dory.
I'm sorry, but a study of the world shows that this just isn't so. It is a very nice sentiment, but it really denies the fallen and corrupt nature of mankind.
I expressed this belief to my wife last night. At first, she was disappointed that I didn't believe in the MFEO theory, but as I explained why she came to see just how much I truly love her. After all, I CHOSE to marry her, I CHOSE to love her, and I CHOOSE to continue to build my life together with her. It wasn't inevitable, it wasn't fate, it is true love. It is more beautiful to her than any fate theory, because she knows that I truly care for her and don't love her because there was no escaping it. Fate didn't bring us together, LOVE did.
Think about it.
Posted by John on May 23, 2006 11:19 AM | Posted to Personal JournalShare:
From the MFEO perspective:
How do I know if this person is the one? I mean, yeah, she's a wonderful person, godly, honest, etc. But what if God has someone else picked out for me? I might be ruining my life if I marry this person instead of the person God chose for me.
My perspective:
That's kindof a scary way to live. If you go by the MFEO perspective, you quickly make yourself unable to make any decision in life, because you can become terrified of make the 'wrong' decision (yeah, this is a great job offer, but how do I know if it's the 'right' job?).
I agree with you, Otter - God gives us free will. Part of that free will is figuring out who we want to marry. Some people would be bad for me to marry, some would be great. That's why God gave us hearts, brains, the Bible, the holy spirit, friends, counselors, etc - to help us make wise decisions in our free will. Sometimes we make good decisions, and sometimes we make bad decisions - but those are our decisions to make.
What if we were MFEO?
Remember Hosea and Gomer? Who did God have picked out for Hosea to marry? A prostitute who kept being unfaithful, over and over again. Even if it is true that you are MFEO, it doesn't mean that everything is going to be nice and rosy.
Although believers in MFEO might point to Hosea as proof of their theory. I beleive Hosea to be the exception to the rule rather than the rule itself. Hosea was required by God to be miserable in marriage in order that he might be living example of the unfaithfulness of Israel to the bridegroom of Yahweh.
I don't think Tim was doing that, but I wanted to address the issue before someone brought it up. Plus, I just like to rant.
Posted by: otter on May 24, 2006 03:35 PMOtter, I agree with you, and could not you also expand your theory on love to a theory of calling? At Covenant often there was talk of a "Big C" Calling to Christ, and a "Little c" calling to your vocation, but doesn't God give us gifts and talents, interests and abilities that persuade us to certain vocations, and could not a "calling" change at a different point in life? To box God's sovereignty into one little "MFEO" or "Calling" as you have said seems incredibly presumptuous of the person making those statements, claiming to know the full will of God almighty.
Excellent post!
Posted by: Brent Kilman on May 24, 2006 04:51 PMOtter, I appreciate your insistence that we must work at marriage and that marriage is a choice to love. These ideas are so important. I was interested in your discussions of the theological conundrums of God's sovereignty and human responsibility. These topics can keep one going in circles all day long...
Gotta go
Posted by: Erik on June 1, 2006 03:49 PMI've had similar discussions with my wife. Because my wife was largely responsible for leading me to God, I often wonder if I would have ever become a Christian if I never met her. I believe God worked providentially to bring her into my life at a time when I was receptive to the gospel, but I also struggle with not trying to limit the omnipotence of God. I may not be able to see what lies ahead, but God is certainly capable of creating other opportunities. I think a similar principle applies to our choice of spouses.
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